Yet another article rescued from the gaping hole that was once Blumhouse.com
Freddy Krueger. Jason Voorhees. Michael Myers. Norman Bates. Everyone knows the names of these horror icons, who stand in the pantheon of the most wicked movie characters of all time. Other than maybe Toby from PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and Jigsaw from the SAW movies, we haven’t really had a new addition to the ranks in a while… Until now.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Minions.
Without much effort, in an Amazon order or two you could kit yourself out with a Minion sweater, a Minion throw pillow, a Minion pencil case, and a life-size cardboard Minion stand-up. You can visit the Minions at Universal Studios, and you can find them on Blu-Ray in their very own spin-off movie starring Jon Hamm and Sandra Bullock which came out in 2015. They’re adorable, lovable little misfits…and they’re pure evil.
Even though it’s made pretty explicit in the DESPICABLE ME series, people just don’t seem to realize that the roly-poly, jaundiced goofballs that pack every movie theater claw machine straight-up want to murder you.
Even if they didn’t help Vlad the Impaler as much as they wanted to, the Minions did what so many hapless Brits have failed to do over the years: vanquish the greatest vampire of all time. That’s something to put on the resume, for sure.
The thing about the Minions is that they’re so incompetent at their job, it’s hard to see how evil their intentions truly are. They’re like the Gremlins on speed, tripping over themselves in their eagerness to be evil.
In fact, the villain in DESPICABLE ME 2 actually harnesses this tendency. By injecting the Minions with an evil serum, their natural instincts emerge and they Hulk out, turning purple and growing fangs. The purple Minions are the main enemy in the film because they’re actually organized enough to become the major threat that they could have been from day one.
But think about it. The Minions are in jail for quitting their jobs because they aren’t murdering enough people. And they quickly rise to the top of the prison hierarchy, through what offscreen methods we’ll probably never know.