Census Bloodbath: Wild Turkey

Note: This movie was only available to me in unsubtitled Turkish, so take my review with a huge grain of salt. But also we're finally done with catching up with slashers we missed in my original round of research! At long last, we can return to the slashers of 1986, already in progress.

Year:
1986
Director:
Cevat Okçugil
Cast: Nihat Yigit, Sevim Özün, Yadigâr Ejder

Run Time:
1 hour 25 minutes

Plot: Balta (Hatchet) follows Murat (Nihat Yigit), a karate student and fruit seller who lives in the woods with his sensei (Kudret Karadağ). The woods are descended upon by a troupe of tourists of widely varying ages plus an ax murderer credited as Baltali Deli, or "Ax Crazy" (Yadigar Ejder). 

One of the tourists, Nadya (Sevim Özün), develops a crush on Murat, much to the consternation of her boyfriend and/or husband and/or father. I don't know how exactly they're linked, but he's not a fan of Murat. Anyway, she's clearly the Final Girl because she has a name (four of her cohort are credited as "Foreign Tourist," two as "German Tourist," and one as "Russian Tourist"). When Ax Crazy begins going after her friends, she runs to Murat for aid.

Analysis: So far, it turns out that I kind of like Turkish slashers, even though they've given me almost no reason to. I feel about Balta a similar way to how I felt about 1988's Psikopat, which is that it's charming in spite of its low budget and thorough ineptitude.

Like... this is an 85-minute slasher movie where the first kill doesn't happen until the 62-minute mark. The first hour is spent not getting to know the tourists (which is what literally any slasher in its right mind would do) but rather following Murat around as he commutes back and forth from his training in the woods to his job (and various good deeds) in town. Meanwhile, Ax Crazy kind of just hangs out, lurking behind bushes and leering creepily at Murat and the tourists but not actually doing fuck-all for what feels like a few days.

I do like that Ax Crazy is wearing what appears to be fur-covered Ugg boots, but the kills he rapidly doles out when the time comes aren't particularly inspired. He delivers a couple whacks with the axe to various body parts and his victims are smeared with blood. That's about it. They definitely didn't have the budget to do anything fun like a decapitation. 

That said, the kill sequences do have this odd and somewhat intriguing habit of going black-and-white when the murder is happening, which is probably meant to hide the color of their fake blood (y'all, this only worked in Psycho because the whole thing was in black-and-white). Oh, and Yadigar Ejder isn't a particularly good performer, exaggeratedly hooting and hollering after each death like he's in a silent comedy.

And yet... I really don't know, but I didn't have a bad time. I think the majority of why I didn't hate watching Balta is the fact that Nihat Yigit is 1) actually a talented martial artist, and 2) a truly affable screen presence. We mainly just watch him wandering around doing nice things for people (which kind of gives him the same "golden-hearted hero of the people" vibe that Santo has), but there's something about watching him march his short king ass around (in the signature waddle of people who are way too muscular for how tiny they are) that is simply endearing. He truly just seems like a nice guy who's having a nice day.

Is that a reason to watch a slasher movie? Of course not. But I'm 321 movies deep on this project, and I'll take what I can get.

Killer: Ax Crazy (Yadigâr Ejder)

Final Girl: Nadya (Sevim Özün)

Best Kill: Nadya's jealous man is axed several times in the backside, either in the back of his thighs or straight-up in his butt. Either way, it's a weird way to murder somebody. I dug it.

Sign of the Times: These tourists have some killer outfits between them.

Scariest Moment: Ax Crazy follows one of the tourists as she wanders into the woods.

Weirdest Moment: One of the tourists' hats flaps up and down along with his snores while he's sleeping.

Champion Dialogue: N/A

Body Count: 8

1. Sleeveless Tee Guy is axed in the throat.
2. Short Hair Gal is axed in the throat.
3. Hoca is axed to death.
4. Nadya's Boyfriend/Husband/Father is axed in the backside.
5. Denim Jacket Lady is axed in the back.
6. Bucket Hat Guy is axed in the chest and smacked across the face with the ax.
7. Leather Jacket Lady is strangled.
8. Denim Jacket Guy is axed in the shoulder.

TL;DR: Balta could be a lot more of a slog (because it isn't good) and yet it's watchable.

Rating: 4/10