Friday, December 31, 2021

2021 Flashback: Television

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TELEVISION

2021 TV Shows I Missed That I Wish I Had Seen Before Compiling This List: Kevin Can F**k Himself, Squid Game, What If...?, Q-Force, The Great, The Lost Symbol, White Lotus, Physical, Y: The Last Man

2021 TV Shows I Missed, Don't Regret Missing, and Will Go Out of My Way to Continue Missing Until the End of Linear Time: Dopesick, Mare of Easttown, The Wheel of Time, Walker, Ghosts, La Brea, Coming Out Colton, Succession, Arcane

Top Ten Episodes of 2021

#10 "So I Married an Axe Murderer" You


You is a lot of things (and this sentence is upsetting my Grammarly something fierce). But this episode, the second from season 3, pushed it into an entirely new direction: horror comedy. This twisted tale of a couple seeking counseling over their murderous urges but being forced to hide the truth under layers of obfuscation is surprisingly funny (the show's usual mode of comedy is of the "not on purpose" variety) and boasts a tight teleplay that uses its layers of narrative to tell a tender story about a fucked-up but entirely real-feeling couple.

#9 "The Gang Goes to Ireland" It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia


It took a while for this season of It's Always Sunny in Philadephia to hit its stride, but every season has its share of clunkers. These ones just happened to be front loaded. However, once this episode, the fifth of an eight-episode season, strikes, they return to form in the best, crassest way possible. The gang spews their way across Ireland in an epic gutter-minded farce that includes a dead cat fused to a carpet, hair-sniffing, and some epically violent physical comedy. 

#8 "La teorĂ­a de la elegancia" Money Heist


No spoilers, but the cliffhanger twist at the end of this episode (which is pretty energetic and exciting to begin with) is one for the ages.

#7 "Hello It's Me" And Just Like That


I'm gonna throw a SPOILER tag on here even though you already know this is the episode where Mr. Big kicks the bucket after a fateful Peloton ride. It's an excellent, melodramatic coda to the first episode of a reboot show that is perfectly imperfect. It is sheer candy-coated pleasure to sink back into the universe of Sex and the City and experience their warped one-percenter perspective on the trials of tribulation of modern life, including podcasts, weed, identity politics, and everything else they are not remotely qualified to cover. Plus, knowing beforehand that Big was destined to die (because that was the original intention for the scrapped Sex and the City 3 film) made a pre-spoiler watch of this feel like a Final Destination movie like "Is the blender gonna do it? Or that champagne cork? How's he gonna bite it?" Good stuff.

#6 "Zoey's Extraordinary Mystery" Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist


One of the most remarkable aspects of Zoey is its ability to be both a stupid, broad musical comedy and rip your heart right out of your chest at the same time. This episode has a lot of fun playing with its core concept, having characters switch heart songs which forces Zoey to figure out whose internal monologue is whose. It all winds up with a wrenching finale that somehow turns Toto's "Rosanna" into a soaring, beautiful moment.

#5 "Double Time" Only Murders in the Building


Only Murders in the Building was starting to seem like it was built out of just a single joke (something dramatic happens, which is then undercut by someone being clueless and thinking of it in terms of how well it serves the true crime podcast they're creating). However, this penultimate episode amped up the whodunit, complicating the tangled web in an exciting way while also proving there's a whole new comic universe for the show to explore when they pull out the ace up their sleeve: Jane Lynch as Steve Martin's worldly former stunt double.

#4 "I Like to be Hugged" Chucky


Every episode of Chucky has at least one moment that is worth putting on a pedestal (an epic free-fall from a high rise is one - ditto any scene set in the gloriously overdesigned Evil Hospital, which seems to be lit exclusively by colored neon stalagmites lurking in every corner). However, this is the one where everything came together most beautifully during a house party where Chucky wreaks titanic slow motion mayhem.

#3 "Reunited, Okay?!" Insecure


Insecure has nothing to prove at this point, but the final season turned it up to 11 right out of the gate with this episode that is somehow both a sedate hangout tale that settles characters into new grooves and knee-snappingly hilarious at every turn.

#2 "Casino" What We Do in the Shadows


The vampire gang travels to Atlantic City to experience the endless night of gambling, Rat Pack cover bands, and inane hotel information channels on the television. It's always a delight to see how these zany characters interact with anything that even remotely resembles the real world, and there is no sitcom runner this year more intensely satisfying in its payoffs than Nandor's obsession with a Big Bang Theory slot machine.

#1 "Pat Connects with Her Fans" The Other Two


This episode accomplishes two incredible things. The first is the best door-slamming farce in at least a decade. The second is taking all of this show's incredible skill at capturing the mundane ins and outs of gay life in the 2020s, harvesting pure comedy out of them, and condensing it into a potent 22-minute script that is both relatable and intensely secondhand embarrassing (all the more so because it's relatable).

Bottom Five Episodes of 2021

#5 "The Boy from 6B" Only Murders in the Building


This episode is attempting a stylistically audacious Master of None thing by delivering a word-free story narrated by the show's deaf character. However, they cheat far too much. The script doesn't try hard enough to justify why the hearing characters are not speaking, forcing them to mug horribly in awkward and unjustified scenarios, also leaning far too hard on goofy music to get the job done instead of plunging the audience into pure silence as they should have done.

#4 "Breakfast in the Clouds with Kim Kardashian West" Cooking with Paris


The thing that's annoying about this show is that it has learned all the wrong lessons about Paris' everlasting stardom. The heiress has always found excellent ways to harness the shallowness of her fame and wink at her own audience, but this show is so committed to presenting her as a vapid idiot to the point that it's just mean-spirited.

#3 "Yes, And" High School Musical: The Musical: The Series


I truly don't understand how this show flew so wildly off the rails so quickly, but this episode is bloated, boring, and keeps introducing concepts that then fly out the window three seconds later.

#2 The Falcon and the Winter Soldier


I'm just including the whole series here, because I enjoyed nothing about the forced buddy comedy between two characters who have no chemistry whatsoever, the didactic polemic about race with clunky metaphors that hit you in the face like a wet fish, or the world-building that actively undermines the Marvel universe.

#1 I Know What You Did Last Summer


Are we in a new golden era for bad scripted television? Here's another one where I just had to throw in all the episodes. Other than setting the North Carolina story in Hawaii and adding a twin element, this show does nothing to justify being a remake of a film that I don't particularly love in the first place. It's also an astonishingly poorly constructed show, featuring what certainly has to be the most painful, flagrant break of the 180-degree line of the 21st century. If there's another professional project that makes such sub-basement level film school errors, please keep it as far away from me as possible.

Best New Show: Chucky


Don Mancini always knows the best way to keep the Chucky franchise growing and moving into new territory. Combining a coming-of-age queer narrative with fan service cameos and plenty of delicious gore gags (there's a truly disgusting yet hilarious moment after a woman bites into an apple with a razor blade in it) is certainly the right move.

Worst New Show: I Know What You Did Last Summer


Seriously, I cannot stress to you enough how incoherent, sloppily made, and devastatingly boring this television program is.

Most Pointless New Show: The Book of Boba Fett


At the time of writing, only one episode of the show has aired, so it may massively improve over time, who knows. However, despite Boba Fett's weirdly enduring popularity as a character (doing nothing in two Star Wars movies is apparently forgivable if you're wearing cool armor), there's just no reason for this show to exist. We already have a show about a Mandalorian bounty hunter, and that one stars Baby Yoda, so Boba Fett is already starting at a deficit. And please explain to me the reason that, in an infinite and varied Star Wars universe, we keep just returning to the same 10 square miles of Tatooine that we've seen 800 times before? What's left to plumb here? Dear God!

Most Improved Returning Show: Money Heist


Money Heist has always been a "good" show, but sometimes the sheer crushing weight of the melodrama can cause the middle of a season to feel like a slog. Season 4, being the center of one long heist arc that spans seasons 3 through 5, was a full heap of slog episodes. However, season 5 really brought the energy and reminds you of just how fucking cool pulling off a heist is, which is really the entire point.

Most Degraded Returning Show: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series


I constantly praised HSM:TM:TS season 1 for capturing to an almost embarrassing degree how silly and intense drama kids (and teachers) can be. This season must have fired all the writers who wrote those jokes. Nobody behind these scripts has never seen the inside of a theater, otherwise they'd stop having the characters smugly using film terminology that has no place in a high school drama program like calling lighting technicians "grips" and having the director shout "Cut!" It's humiliating, and when combined with the awkward behind-the-scenes drama between Olivia Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett and the plotless, boring refusal to have any kid find conflict with another, it's an unwieldy, unworthy disaster.

Best Dramatic Actor: Jaime Lorente, Money Heist


Money Heist is primarily an ensemble show, so it was hard to pick out a couple Best in Shows. However, Jaime Lorente really impressed me with his arc over the five seasons of the show. Plus, when I learned that the character Denver's iconic staccato laugh isn't Lorente's real life laugh, I realized just how many strong choices he's making as a performer. 

Best Comedic Actor: Steve Martin, Only Murders in the Building


Steve Martin's schtick got old practically before I was born, but he found new ways to breathe life into it in this comedy whodunit. His character, a washed-up actor who used to star in a detective show, is grounded in an emotional reality he hasn't gotten to play in a while, yet still allows him to goof off in his signature way, rooting it in a unusually deep persona that adds a new veneer of novelty to the whole process.

Best Dramatic Actress: Najwa Nimri, Money Heist


Nimri is a goddamn excellent villain, and her psychotic pregnant inspector is one of the most sincerely dangerous presences on a show full of crime and murder. The arc that season 5 gives her should have been impossible for her to play given how cartoonishly despicable the character has been up until now, but she handles it with grace and aplomb. Just like the Professor and his crew so frequently do, she gets away with it against all odds.

Best Comedic Actress: Natasia Demetriou, What We Do in the Shadows


As long as this show is on the air, this slot is hers. Don't look at me. I don't make the rules.

Best Dramatic Supporting Actor: Brad Dourif, Chucky


It's incredible that Dourif is still performing this role over 3 decades after originating it, but it's even more incredible how much fun he's still having bringing this coarse killer doll to life. His commitment to the role is a major part of why the franchise has remained so fresh after all these years.

Best Comedic Supporting Actor: Aaron Tveit, Schmigadoon!


Even though his character is unceremoniously shoved aside in the back half of the season, Tveit knows how to wear the hell out of those old timey costumes. His musical performances shine, even more so in the harsh relief of the show's other numbers, which were generally not as inspired a pastiche as the first episode promised they might be. He is so across-the-board excellent, he sells the show's weirdest recurring gag (his beloved phrase "yee-honk") without breaking a sweat.

Best Dramatic Supporting Actress: Fiona Dourif, Chucky


Proof that talent can run in the family. Not only does Brad Dourif's daughter Fiona continue the excellent Scream Queen reign that she began in 2013's Curse of 
Chucky playing the role of Nica Pierce, she is invited to play the younger version of her father in flashbacks to Chucky's origin and she knocks that out of the park as well.

Best Comedic Supporting Actress: Natasha Rothwell, Insecure


Frankly, I hate her character's subplot in this season, in which she is Finding Herself and embracing a lot of New Age woo-woo nonsense. The fact that she's still so damn hilarious while delivering those jokes is a testament to what a compelling actress she is.

Best Actress Who Delivers the Most Tragic and Then the Most Hilarious Moment of an Entire Show in About Thirty Seconds Flat: Sarah Jessica Parker, And Just Like That


More SPOILERS. The bad-good dichotomy of Sex and the City has never been better exemplified than the final scene of episode 1, in which SJP delivers the hell out of the tragic discovery of her dying husband, striking a heart-wrenching chord that is then completely exploded by the zaniest line of voiceover ever written: "And just like that... Big died."

Best Guest Star: Alligator Loki, Loki


<3

Best Couple: Jake and Devon, Chucky


Watching baby gays get to experience first love at an age in which I never got to do that (even though I came out extremely young for my generation - the summer before my junior year of high school) is just so gratifying.

Worst Couple: Victor and Benji, Love, Victor


Look, I'm grateful that both sections of this category can be queer relationships, but every time Victor comes to Benji with a genuine issue that comes along with being freshly out of the closet, Benji makes a face like he just sucked on a lemon and proceeds to be passive aggressive for half an hour. Drop that boy, Victor!

Best Show Intro: Chucky


I love how this intro changes each time, visually reflecting the theme of that week's episode with a new collage of unsettling images.

Worst Show Intro: Loki


OK, it's fine, but it goes on like twice as long as it needs to, and I just want to get to the show, dammit.

Best SNL Sketch: "Simu & Bowen"


This sharp sketch points out how easy it is for an Asian actor to be the "first" at anything because there are so few of them given opportunities, all couched within a hilarious game of desperate one-upmanship.

Worst SNL Sketch: "Celeb School Game Show"


This sketch is based exclusively on the misconception that Rami Malek and Pete Davidson look anything alike, and completely fails to write jokes about it.

Best Musical Performance: "HĂºsavik" Molly Sanden (The Oscars)


The song was breathtaking even in the midst of the extremely silly musical it was written for, but when performed in the unspeakably gorgeous real-life town of HĂºsavĂ­k, it takes your breath, stomps on it, and chops it into little pieces.

Worst Musical Performance: "Stay & Ghost" Justin Bieber & The Kid Laroi (The VMAs)


Would it kill Biebs to take off the hoodie even once? Please never make me sound like a grandmother ever again, Justin.

Best In-Universe Musical Performance: "Bella Ciao" Money Heist


This song is a frequent motif in Money Heist, performed whenever the gang experiences a major success. The final performance is both stirring in context and extremely well-orchestrated, driven to propulsive new heights by the makeshift percussion.

Worst In-Universe Musical Performance: "Rogers: The Musical" Hawkeye


I know the point is that the musical isn't very good, but a parody of a splashy Broadway failure needs to look more like Diana the Musical and less like something a high school theater troupe put together with costumes they bought from Michaels.

Best Commercial: "AMC Theatres. We Make Movies Better"


Camp. Nicole Kidman wearing a pinstriped diamond pantsuit while walking through an apocalyptically empty theater to watch Jurassic World while monologuing about heartbreak is purest excellence all around.

Worst Commercial: "How Do You See Yourself? - Stephen"


I can't say I particularly love heartstring-pulling commercials in the first place, but this one's switch from the weepy of a recent widower to pimping Botox is just crass.

2021 Crush: John Clarence Stewart, Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist


I find it impossible to understand why anybody wouldn't be Team Simon. Also anytime John Clarence Stewart dances and sings at the same time, my jaw drops and I go, "yeah, this is why God invented art."

2021 Flashback: Music, Books, & Misc.

 <--- Click here to jump to the TELEVISION section

MUSIC

Top Ten Songs of 2021

#10 "Bad Habits" Ed Sheeran


I always resent when Ed Sheeran makes a song I like, but I need to open my heart up to joy wherever it happens to come from! This song has an excellent propulsive beat, and its minor key hook creates a real atmosphere of lurking, creeping dread that highlights the downbeat lyrics extremely well.

#9 "Boys Don't Cry" Yoshi Flower


Here's the tonal opposite of "Bad Habits," a contemplative song that hides its feelings behind a cheery major key that evokes Katy Perry's "Roar" more than it does the sadboy indie vibes the lyrics are asking for.

#8 "Leave Before You Love Me" Jonas Brothers


I don't suppose this remark would sell the song to that many people, but the entirety of this song seems to exist in the chord progression of the bridge from Wham!'s "Last Christmas." I think that serves its tragic yet chill vibes mighty well, though.

#7 "Up" Cardi B


Neither tragic nor chill is Cardi B's first single of the year. Cardi just knows how to have fun, which is the vibe we desperately need in 2021. If I told you how many times I've had the phrase "dirty-ass, dusty-ass bitch, you got pinkeye" has rolled through the back of my brain over the past 11 months, you'd probably worry a little.

#6 "Heartbreak Anthem" Little Mix, Galantis, and David Guetta


Starting with a riff ripped from Beyoncé's "Halo" isn't the move I was expecting from Swedish dance duo Galantis, but they apply their magic to this more downbeat song, making it impeccably fun in the process.

#5 "Symptomatic" Peach PRC


The theme of this year's tracks, as I'm just realizing now, is "bops about depressing things." That's pretty much where we're at right now, yeah. "Symptomatic" is a bubbly pop banger, but it adds a dollop of bitter to the sweet with the best pop lyrics about mental health I've ever heard.

#4 "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" Lil Nas X


Lil Nas X is the king of singles, and while the video for this song received more attention than the music itself, the music is damn good. The way that droning harmony kicks in during the chorus rattles my bones every time. This is one of those songs that I want to play again immediately the second it ends.

#3 "Keep an Eye On Dan" ABBA


ABBA's reunion album 40 years later was certainly patchy. They didn't have another "Mamma Mia" in them, and they knew it, opting for a darker, more contemplative vibe. However, "Keep an Eye On Dan" is the best of both worlds, applying the disco synth pageantry of a "Voulez-Vous" to a song about joint custody, creating a startling, stirring juxtaposition.

#2 "Josh" Peach PRC


I always try to avoid having the same artist appear on any of these lists twice. I had several other songs waiting in the wings, but I just had to go back to the Peach PRC well. "Josh" is a goddamn delight of a breakup song, applying superb pop production to a sublime diss track. The way the instrumentation drops out during the first lines of the chorus, allowing the vocoder and a saucy ticking clock to run the show, is damnably clever and gives the song a sense of texture that most indie pop could only dream of.

#1 "That's What I Want" Lil Nas X


Oops, another repeat. What am I supposed to do when I'm faced with a second huge helping of chocolate cake like this final promotional single? That four-note riff that accents the first two lines of the chorus is as immediately irresistible as the hand claps in the Friends theme song. Listen to this more than once and tell me you're not already singing along.

Best 2020 Song I Missed: "Pink Pony Club" Chappell Roan


It is the great tragedy of my life to be so behind the times as to not have this song reign proudly at #1 on my list for 2020. OK, I'm glad Kesha's "Father Daughter Dance" got its due, but "Pink Pony Club" is a sparkling jewel that deserves all the attention it never got. The first time those throaty synths kick in just launch me into the atmosphere and I never come down. This video is also excellent, both in its low-budget evocation of its themes, and in the exacting way the visuals support the storytelling of the song itself.

Bottom Five Songs of 2021

#5 "Little Things" ABBA


Positioning this as the third song on the album almost had me give up on ABBA on my first listen. It's a dreadfully treacly little nothing of a track that they're convinced will get traction because it's about Christmas. That said, it would only be the third worst track on most artists' Christmas albums, so I'm glad ABBA just gave us the one song.

#4 "Spaceman" Nick Jonas


I get it, COVID has us all in a mood. I just think the metaphor is so weak here, and "Spaceman" just feels like such a hilariously out of date phrase.

#3 "Drinkin' Beer. Talkin' God. Amen." Chase Rice feat. Florida Georgia Line 


Where would I be without bro country? These lists would be a lot harder to compile, that's for sure.

#2 "This Is How Your People Dance" Diana the Musical Cast


It was hard to pick a single song from Diana the Musical, which is a holistic nightmare that doesn't have a single part you can point to and confidently declare "yes, that is the worst thing about this." However, the song that both unironically uses the term "funkadelic" and the rhyme "the Russian plays on and on, like an endless telethon" deserves to rot in music prison. Also, if you want to go ahead and skip to 2:30 on that video, you'll see some of the hilariously pathetic choreography that I was mentioning back there in the FILM section. 

#1 "Friday (Remix)" Rebecca Black feat. Dorian Electra, Big Freedia & 3OH!3


I'm a huge proponent of the original "Friday," which is a bad song in the most perfectly catchy way. This song takes that track, applies the most basic Ableton Live filter to it, and calls it a day. It's one of the laziest remixes I've ever heard, and it does not serve any of the wild coterie of people who have arrived to attempt to make something of the shrill mush Rebecca Black left behind.

Best Music Video: "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" Lil Nas X


Now, when I said the music wasn't getting enough attention, I didn't mean the video should be ignored. I mean, come on! The lap dance with the Devil is obviously the lightning rod moment, but for me the peak of this particular pop confection is Lil Nas X's Marie Antoinette costume. Scrumptious.

Best Guilty Pleasure: "Stay" Justin Bieber & The Kid Laroi


The guilty pleasure aspect of this is that I learned about the song from TikTok videos which I watched reposted on Instagram because I am an old man.

Best Cover Song: "Think of Me" Patrick Wilson


The Broadway charity show Miscast finally gave Patrick Wilson (who played Raoul in The Phantom of the Opera opposite Emmy Rossum) the chance to show off his pipes by handing him Christine's big number, and he knocks it out of the park even though he's given a sub-karaoke-bar level backing track.

Best Album Cover: Montero, Lil Nas X


Lil Nas X knows how to promote the shit out of his work and get the best people to help him do it. Unfortunately, the album itself is rather bland if you strip away the killer singles, but we can always just prop it up and look at it.

Worst Album Cover: Voyage, ABBA


Now, I need to know who approved this desperately uninteresting design. What is this meant to convey to me? ABBA came from the Sun? I don't know and I don't care. Thanks, everyone.

2021 Crush: Alex Landi, "Kiss Me More" Doja Cat


Obviously the man is hot. This isn't news. He's on Grey's Anatomy. But there's something about putting him in a candy colored ocean in a spacesuit that amps him up 1000%.

BOOKS

My Libby app helped me catch up with a lot more contemporary books this year than I normally do. However, though the top 3 entries are 2021 releases, I've still spent too much time in the past to fill out an entire top 5 so we're gonna get...

The Top 5 Books I Read in 2021

#5 My Brother's Husband, Gengoroh Tagame (2015-2017)


This manga, by prolific yaoi artist Gengoroh Tagame is a fascinating blend. The art style is typically his own, with both the adult men frequently taking their clothes off and looking damn good doing it (no full-frontal nudity, but plenty of everything else). However, it's also a tender and sweet rumination about a single father who comes to terms with his deceased twin brother's homosexuality during a visit from his widower, a Canadian who is fulfilling one of his husband's final wishes. It's extremely didactic, and much more directed to straight Japanese audiences than gay American ones, but it's such a beautiful reflection of loss and societal stigma that it completely bowled me over.

#4 Uzumaki, Junji Ito (1998-1999)


The rest of the manga I've read this year has been the work of Junji Ito, horror mangaka extraordinaire. Uzumaki is the twisted tale of a town that becomes obsessed with spirals, and the various supernatural ways that this sinister influence exerts itself. It's an unspeakably chilling work that delivers more grotesque, beautiful chiaroscuro art with the turn of every page.

#3 The Darkness Outside Us, Eliot Schrefer (2021)


I signed up for "horny gays in space," but what I didn't expect was a thrilling science fiction mystery so compelling that I could hardly put it down. Even if you guess the ultimate reveal before the time comes, the novel combats any impatience by becoming a love story so heartfelt and tragic that you don't give a shit when they still need to go through the plot motions.

#2 Girly Drinks, Mallory O'Meara (2021)


Mallory O'Meara's debut nonfiction work The Lady from the Black Lagoon was the Julie and Julie of horror cinema. I wasn't sure how her more focused historical work Girly Drinks, which is a history of women and alcohol, would compare. However, by tracing the history of what and how women drank across history and across cultures, O'Meara paints a deeply compelling picture of the crushing power of misogyny, yet keeps the tone light with her signature humor at the same time.

#1 Aristotle and Dante Dive Into the Waters of the World, Benjamin Alire SĂ¡enz (2021)


Artistotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is one of the most beautiful, lyrical young adult novels ever written, so this many-years-later sequel had big shoes to fill. It's a lot longer and a little less perfect, but it still made me cry upwards of a hundred times so I still highly recommend it.

Top 5 Agatha Christie Books I Read in 2021

When I was picking through the 150+ books I read during 2021, I had to contend with the gargantuan mass of Agatha Christie, which I began voraciously marathoning in June. I hurtled my way through Poirot, Marple, and even Tommy and Tuppence, Superintendent Battle, and Colonel Race. I still have upward of a dozen books of hers to get through because damn was the woman prolific, but I found myself in the pretty unique position of having all the author's most major works fresh in my memory so I thought I'd give y'all a little looksie at the results of my hunt through crime literature history.

#5 N or M? (1941)


This is the third entry in the Tommy and Tuppence series, which follows a plucky young married couple who constantly find themselves on adventures. They're not so young at this point, having reached middle age and the second World War. However, this tale of them sniffing out a German spy in a small seaside town is simultaneously a swashbuckling adventure, an airtight mystery, and as quasi-feminist as any of Christie's literature could ever get.

#4 Lord Edgware Dies (1933)


This Poirot mystery has a deliciously compelling hook, in which the murder seems easy enough to solve... at first. The woman who was witnessed shooting her husband while also attending a party miles away obviously hired that actress who looked exactly like her, right? But when evidence proves that this couldn't have been the case, things get gnarly from there.

#3 Absent in the Spring (1944, as Mary Westmacott)


Agatha Christie wrote six novels that had nothing to do with crime, all under the pen name of Mary Westmacott. Before I cracked open this one, I had no clue it would end up being as close to a masterpiece as her prose could ever get. Absent in the Spring tells the story of a woman in her late middle age being stuck at a rest facility for several days on her way home from Baghdad. While alone in the desert, she is determined to entertain herself by indulging in reminisces of happy memories. However, the more she thinks about them, the more she realizes that - not only aren't the memories as happy as she has convinced herself they are - she might just be unintentionally making everyone in her life utterly miserable through her dictatorial commitment to forcing the world to conform to the exact type of happiness she thinks she should be having. 

This tale of a woman finally confronting herself when she runs out of other people to talk to is an out-and-out tragedy that tinges on psychological horror as the bottom drops out from beneath her and she has to confront the possibility that her entire life might be a sham. It's the most emotionally compelling work Christie has ever written and by far the most any of her novels has earned the phrase "hidden gem." People gotta get on this one.

#2 Hercule Poirot's Christmas (1938)


But now now, we don't come to Agatha Christie for prose. We come to her for damn good mysteries, and Hercule Poirot's Christmas is delightful. All the most delicious hallmarks are present, including a massive family gathered around, every one of whom has a reason to want the miserable old sod dead. Introducing a supporting character with a mustache so luxurious he makes Poirot feel defensive of his own is just the cherry on top of a wild ride.

#1 The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (1926)


OK, nobody needs me to tell them that The Murder of Roger Ackroyd is fucking great. But The Murder of Roger Ackroyd is fucking great.

Here's Some Stuff That I Did in 2021

Screen Rant


Hey! I quit my day job in retail, which left me so stress-riddled and pandemic weary I could hardly function, and started writing movie and TV news for Screen Rant! Why not check out my articles and give me some sweet, sweet clicks?

Alternate Ending


I've also been continuing my work with the good folks over at Alternate Ending, both reviewing contemporary films and continuing my exploits with head critic Tim Brayton on the horror podcast Bride of Alternate Ending. Some of the reviews I'm most proud of this year are CinderellaHe's All That, and A Week Away, because if there's one thing I adore, it's eviscerating some direct-to-streaming crap. I also participated in a pilot podcast called A Worthy Binge, where Rob, Carrie and I reviewed every episode of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. That show was a blast but too time consuming for two working parents who run a web site and host a podcast. I still have time though, just saying.

Other Podcasts

You can catch me on a whole heap of other shows. Check me out discussing Killer Party on Kill by Kill, Greetings from Bury Park/Blinded by the Light on Hazel & Katniss & Harry & Starr, Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin on The Friendchise, and the Fear Street trilogy on Two Friends Watch. Also we resurrected Attack of the Queerwolf for some special holiday episodes on My Bloody Valentine and Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later.

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