Census Bloodbath: Thank You, Have A Nice Day

For the crossover review of this film at Kinemalogue, click here.

Year: 1986

Director: Jim Wynorski

Cast: Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd

Run Time: 1 hour 17 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

Over the course of my romp through slasher history, I've run into some incredibly strange premises. Together, we've battled a killer scarecrow, a possessed mirror, a demonic computer, the ghost of a prom queen, and the angry spirit of a Native American medicine man. We're no strangers to strangeness, so don't take it lightly when I tell you that the Jim Wynorski picture Chopping Mall -produced by Roger Corman's wife Julie in 1986 - has one of the downright weirdest slasher premises I've ever encountered.

And I don't just mean that fact that we're supposed to suspend our disbelief and accept this implausible hairstyle.

Chopping Mall has the perfect slasher setup. A group of friends parties together in a mall after closing, only to find that they're trapped inside with a crazed killer. Only instead of a masked psychopath or territorial mountain man, the particular threat they're facing is... a trio of security robots that have gone haywire following an electrical storm. Seriously.

While we let that sink in, let's Meet the Meat. Our midnight revelers include Ferdy (Tony O'Dell), a nerdy young man whose uncle owns the store where they're holding the party; Allison (Kelli Maroney of Night of the Comet), a sweet young waitress who has been set up with Ferdy by their mutual friends; Suzie (Barbara Crampton of Re-Animator and From Beyond), Allison's party girl best friend; Rick (Russell Todd of Friday the 13th Part 2 and He Knows You're Alone) and Linda (Karrie Emerson), a married couple who own a mechanic shop together, and who for some reason are equally enthused about this mattress party/teen orgy; Greg (Nick Segal), who exists and is dating Suzie; Leslie (Suzee Slater), the bubble-headed shop owner's daughter and thus Ferdy's cousin, though this is never explored; and Mike (John Terlesky), a douchey stud muffin who chews gum in literally every scene and whose hairdresser I dearly wish was included in the body count.

This haircut should be included on the list of capital punishment-worthy offenses.

As my previous two captions may have informed you, Chopping Mall is urgently, endearingly 80's. The cast, the genre, the fashions, and the dialogue are unrelentingly entrenched in the cultural battleground of 1986, and it's an indelibly fun treat throughout. 

Like nearly all Corman pictures, the film is an extremely chintzy, thin affair that values ass shots and waggling breasts more than story and character development, but director Jim Wynorski squeezes every ounce of cinema magic out of the circumstances as he possibly can. This might sound like scant praise considering that the man also directed Sorority House Massacre II, but Chopping Mall is Wynorski's magnum opus, making the most out of its low budget, silly special effects, and ludicrous villains. 

But let's begin with the most pressing topic of any Chopping Mall discussion: The Killbots. By all accounts they should be a campy, cheesy mess, but if we're going to be completely honest (which I know we all hate to do, this being the Internet after all), they're really quite remarkable. Their creation is the oldest trick in the book: slap a motor on some shiny plastic boxes, tack on some lights, and call it a day. But the old tricks were used for a reason: they worked.

The Killbots, through the surprisingly professional methods with which they are framed and coordinated, are an utterly believable menace. There's hardly a crack in the special effects (largely because they are so simple), lending to the sense that these robots are acting of their own volition. They have purpose and agency, roaming the mall with specific, calculated, and (dare I say) character-driven movements.

Also their little tank tread feet are adorable.

Chopping Mall also boasts a surprisingly sophisticated lighting plan. The mall itself is full of heavy shadows, complemented by tickles of gaudy pinks and blues in the corners, reminding the audience of the cheery, commercial nature of the setting as it's plunged into a surrealist hellscape of killing and laser beams. Oh, did I mention the robots have laser beams? The only thing that could make this film more 1986 is an Alice Cooper cameo.

But I digress. The lighting uses the power of suggestion to expand upon its sparsely decorated sets (which largely consist of blank white walls with a handful of Corman posters tacked to them, not even in particularly good condition), most notably in the diner scenes. As visible in the first photo of this review, a false window casts shadow over the actors, cementing in the idea that they're hiding in a restaurant, and not a parking garage hallway. There's also some tremendously fun gags using silhouettes, but I'm not here to replay the movie, I'm here to sell it.

Not that it needs the help.

Chopping Mall is also remarkably funny, rife as it is with the typical 80's gags and guffaws. But there are moments that transcend the expected, especially in one admirably well-placed editing gag that will have hawk-eyed viewers nursing a stitch in their side. The cherry on top is that all the characters have generally intelligent reactions to their predicaments, almost never resorting to Dumb Horror Character antics, save for some truly, epically insane moments where the film briefly converts into a testosterone carnival of gun-totin' action.

But here I go acting like Chopping Mall is the second coming of Craven. It's certainly no grand classic of horror cinema, merely a shockingly decent turn for a trash auteur. The acting is bottom of the barrel (Russell Todd especially fails to make any attempt at an actual performance; only Barbara Crampton escapes the fray, bringing Suzie to vivacious life and igniting some terrific chemistry with everyone around her), the characters are exceedingly shallow, and the fun - while genuine - is ephemeral.

It's a cotton candy delight, tantalizing the taste buds for 77 short minutes before completely dissolving as if it were never there. It may be considerably more well made than other Corman/Wynorski films, but the fact remains that it's a Corman/Wynorski film, and that's a pretty dreary place to be at the best of times. I stand by Chopping Mall as a beacon of pure light in the B-movie community, but its charms only go so far. You have my blessing to seek it out and have a rollicking great time, but it won't change your life.

But sometimes, we don't need a film to radically change our perspective on the cinema. We just need the Killbots. And Chopping Mall is worth breaking out the jelly bracelets and borrowing daddy's credit card, if only for one night of fun with your friends.

Killer: The Killbots

Final Girl: Alison Parks (Kelli Maroney)

Best Kill: Leslie's head is exploded with a freaking laser. I love the 80's.

Sign of the Times: It's genuinely astonishing that Barbara Crampton has the mobility that she does, weighed down as she is by a pile of crimped hair and about 8,000 jelly bracelets. Oh, and she says "bitchin'!"

Scariest Moment: Alison hides from the final robot in a pet shop. When it destroys some glass cages, snakes and tarantulas crawl over her, but she must keep quiet to avoid detection.

Weirdest Moment: The robots reveal that they can shoot laser beams in the middle of the film, when up until that point they've just been using flimsy little claws.

Champion Dialogue: "I guess I'm just not used to being chased around the mall in the middle of the night by killer robots."

Body Count: 9

1. Marty is choked to death by a robot arm.
2. Marty's Friend has his neck broken with a grappling hook.
3. Janitor is electrocuted in a puddle of mop water.
4. Mike has his throat slit.
5. Leslie has her head exploded with a laser.
6. Susie burns to death.
7. Greg is tossed off a balcony.
8. Linda is shot to death with lasers.
9. Rick is electrocuted.

TL;DR: Chopping Mall is pure campy fun, with a surprisingly masterful aesthetic for a film out of the Corman stable.
Rating: 7/10
Word Count: 1361

Census Bloodbath: Two's A Crowd

Year: 1980

Director: Armand Mastroianni

Cast: Don Scardino, Caitlin O'Heaney, Elizabeth Kemp

Run Time: 1 hour 34 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

Finally, finally my next chronological Census Bloodbath post. Way back when, I decided to go through these films in order but at a certain point I got stuck and spent some time bouncing around and rewatching movies I'd already seen and knew I liked. Call me a creature of habit. And I knew next to nothing about He Knows You're Alone, the next film on the list, so that wasn't helping me get off my butt and commit.

I made a big mistake, because HKYA is actually a pretty great slasher flick in all regards. Well, maybe not everything. It's far from perfect, but it's perfectly delightful. It's just the breath of fresh air I needed from 1980 after a long slog through the mirthless pre-Friday the 13th grindhouse holdovers. 

This is obvious from the very first scene, a movie theater death sequence later cribbed for the opening of Scream 2 (a review of which is pending, appropriately). 

A brief sidebar to discuss how the movie that's playing features Russell Todd aka the studly Scott in 1981's Friday the 13th Part 2.

Two girls are watching a scary movie and one of them is stabbed by a fierce-looking fellow at the same time as the girl in the movie shrieks her last breath. One overexposed freeze frame later, the title (in all red of course) bursts onscreen over the image of the killer's crazed eyes.

Oh 80's, how I missed you.

And stab me, but that's a great title.

So here's as much backstory as we get, and it's all we need. Ray Carlton (Tom Rolfing) was jilted by one of his lovers, whom he stabbed on her wedding night. Her fiancé, Detective Len Gamble (Lewis Arlt) has never recovered and now that a new rash of killings is occurring in town - all engaged women - he gets the sense that he knows the culprit... and can finally enact his revenge.

However, the main focus of the movie is the romantic exploits of three women: Amy Jensen (Caitlin O'Heaney) and her friends Joyce (Patsy Pease) and Nancy (Elizabeth Kemp). Amy is engaged to Phil (James Carroll, also of Girls Nite Out), presumably because he is a philandering dickbag who embarks on a Bachelor's Weekend at the beginning of the film, hardly even attempting to disguise the number of skanks he'll be picking up along the way.

Oh, and did I mention he wants her to quit school and forget about a career? The Patriarchy called, they want their poster child back. To make things even harder on her, her adorable morgue worker ex-boyfriend Marvin (Don Scardino, who has since made a name for himself directing episodes of 30 Rock) is very actively pursuing her affections - and she adores him. She's just not super pleased with the whole "I touch dead bodies every day" thing.

But he has sideburns for days.

And then there's Joyce, the sexed-up biddy who's sleeping with her professor (James Rebhorn) to get an A. And Karen, the shy best friend who has a crush on local jogger Elliot (wait for it... Tom Hanks).

Yeah that just happened.

In the vein of Halloween, the film is largely bloodless so the bulk of the film's entertainment value falls upon these players. And it absolutely works. The characters are of a piece completely likable and charming protagonists. Except Phil. Douchebag.

And despite the obvious presence of sex leading to death, He Knows You're Alone, while not necessarily begetting a reliable feminist reading, has some interesting things to say about the punishments and dangers of the male gaze, as well as the viability of female sexuality. In fact, the scene between Joyce and the Professor in any other movie would be lascivious and depraved but here is quite loving and erotic in a way unmatched by many similar slasher scenes.

But enough with the gender roles (my copy of Men, Women, and Chainsaws has got me going again).  He Knows You're Alone is a film that wears its influences on its sleeve (the death scenes are all lifted from Psycho and the music is an impressively precise mathematical achievement - exactly as close to the Halloween score as a single piece can get without actually being the same thing), but does so in a way that is enhances the unique story it's already telling.

College students in wedding dresses aren't exactly a mainstay of the slasher movement.

The doubt and internal turmoil Amy is facing about her impending wedding is mirrored in her external life as Ray begins stalking her through town and killing off anybody who gets in the way. But forget that, because the love triangle thing honestly has me hooked. I am Team Marvin all the way. That guy's the best.

Perhaps it's not the best slasher film because its best scenes are generally the non-horrific type, but there's enough cheesy 80's signifiers and tawdry horror tropes to keep the genre faithful happy. It's like taking a bath in slasher plots - comforting and relaxing in their predictability, and they'll never let you down.

He Knows You're Alone is a hyperbolically undervalued film that I urge any fan of the slasher genre to check out immediately! It's not the scariest knife in the drawer, but it has the most engaging plotline I've seen so far that wasn't directed by anyone whose name rhymes with Schmess Schmaven. Don't let it die a lonely death!

Killer: Ray Carlton (Tom Rolfing)

Final Girl: Amy Jensen (Caitlin O'Heaney)

Best Kill: Nancy's head is cut off and put in the fish tank!

Sign of the Times: The word "zilch"; Cigarettes are 65 cents; Tom Hanks is a BABY.

Scariest Moment: The killer corners Amy in her home.

Weirdest Moment: When the cute jogger Nancy is talking about turns out to be Tom Freaking Hanks.

Champion Dialogue: "Marry me and I'll bring you a piranha."

Body Count: 8

1. Gamble's Bride is stabbed in the back.
2. Movie Theater Bride is stabbed in the stomach.
3. Ralph the Tailor is stabbed to death with scissors.
4. Joyce is stabbed to death offscreen.
5. Carl is stabbed to death.
6. Nancy is decapitated and has her head put in the fish tank.
7. Ray is stabbed in the gut.
8. [Amy is killed as the credits roll.] 

TL;DR: He Knows You're Alone is a great slasher, but loses points due to a severe lack of gore.

Rating: 7/10

Word Count: 1086

Census Bloodbath: Second Thoughts

If you're new to Census Bloodbath, click here.
For our podcast episode about this very film, click here.

Year: 1981

Director: Steve Miner

Cast: Amy Steel, John Furey, Betsy Palmer

Run Time: 1 hour 27 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

And we have arrived at Jason's first starring vehicle! What a pleasure it is going to be to see this hockey masked buffoon get his time in the limelight!

Wait, what?

Yeah, you got me. The hockey mask doesn't come into play until Part 3, making this another Friday the 13th with a misinformed reputation. Perhaps this is a good time for me to mention how improperly memory has treated this series. You know how all Friday the 13th movies go, right? Ask anyone. Jason Voorhees in a hockey mask kills camp counselors at Crystal Lake.

This combination does not happen one single time in the entire 12 movie franchise. Sorry to burst your bubble. This is getting a little technical, but here's the deal. To start off, camp counselors die in only three of the films (Parts 1, 2, and 6). In the first, as we've already discussed, the killer was his mother. In the second (which we'll approach in more detail very shortly), he has no mask and also they're not even at Crystal Lake. Part 6 is the closest (he has the mask and he mows down counselors) but guess what? The camp has been renamed to Camp Forest Green.

I know that one's a technicality, but isn't that weird to think about?

Nothing anybody knows about this series is even remotely true.

Anyway, that's all in the future. Right now it's 1981. We have Jason in a bag, the hockey mask has never existed and as a matter of fact neither has adult Jason.

The film tries to smooth that narrative wrinkle (having him die as a child in the first film rather complicated sequel opportunities) by saying it only seemed like he drowned and that he saw his mother get beheaded that fateful night and vowed revenge on her killer and any others who intrude upon his territory. Apparently he never saw fit to approach her before then and give her a quick heads up that, you know, he was still alive. Whatever. He was busy. I get it.

So now he's all growed up and the movie opens two months after the original. Alice Hardy (Adrienne King) is trying to put her life together but is still haunted by nightmares (that take the form of five minutes of footage from the last movie crudely grafted onto shots of her not only failing to act but failing to be convincingly asleep).

She is run through a conveyor belt of horror standards as she gets a mysterious phone call where there's nobody on the other line, hears noises, takes the world's fastest shower, and has a cat thrown at her from offscreen by a PA.

Unfortunately her time is up and as she goes to get some milk for her tea, she gets a rather nasty surprise in her fridge, followed by a nasty surprise in her temple (an ice pick).

So that's what head cheese is.

Now it's five years later, her body was never found, and the shore of Crystal Lake is being used for the first time since the campground was condemned after the original murders.

Paul Holt (John Furey) has opened up a counselor training camp not far from the blackened ruins of Camp Blood. The events of half a decade ago have faded in memory and Jason has been reduced to nothing but a campfire story. 

As training begins, a heaping platter of Meat is laid before us in unprecedented amounts. First we meet the obvious analogues for Jack, Marcie, and Ned from the original. There's Jeff (Bill Randolph), the horndog and something of a Walmart brand Brad Pitt; his girlfriend Sandra (Marta Kober) who is adventurous and pushy; and Ted (Stu Charno) the prankster. Apparently the writers couldn't be bothered to even try to hide the fact that he is transparently Ned, just in a different body.

Thus begins the well-worn Friday the 13th standby of "exactly the same, only different." It only serves to underscore the fact that the individual characters don't matter. All that anyone cares about are the infinite variations in the ways that they screw and the ways that they die (Sometimes at the same time. More on that later).

Also on the crew are Terry (Kirsten Baker), who I took to calling "Slutty McSlutNipples" in my notes because of how clear her exact purpose in the script was; 

She gives the franchise its first full frontal! And has some gleefully sleazy innuendos that make me love her.

Scott (Russell Todd, who we'll revisit in Chopping Mall), the stud bucket who relentlessly pursues Terry like a five-year-old, stealing her clothes when she goes skinny dipping and hitting her with rocks from a sling shot; Mark (Tom McBride), a wheelchair-bound counselor with enormous arms; Vickie (Lauren-Marie Taylor, who we'll also see again in Girls Nite Out if I ever get my hands on the DVD), a clean cut girl who can't help but notice said enormous arms; and Ginny (Amy Steel, also of April Fool's Day and my fantasy dinner parties), Paul's girlfriend and all around spunky queen doing awesome things all over the place like cutting firewood with a chainsaw, winning at chess, and running the fastest (foreshadowing!).

There's also some random extra counselors with no lines, but some of them are ethnic and break stereotypes by not actually dying.

Also a Rock in a Puddle that is onscreen more times than the black counselor.

Not exactly a paradise of diversity.

Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney) also makes a brief reappearance to spout more prophecies of doom only to become the first victim of Jason's rampage. And because the movie needed to have more kills to spice things up before the real bloodbath begins.

The first act is breezy and fun as we settle in with the characters. Much like the first film, there's not much plot of import, but it's just enjoyable to watch these teens have a good time. We learn that Slutty McSlutNipples' dog is named Muffin, which is the best thing ever. Jeff and Sandra expand the narrative universe a bit by exploring the condemned Camp Blood which is so dilapidated it might as well be made of cardboard (That was a joke. It is made of carboard).

There is some great use of foreshadowing in this sequence as well, the subtlety of which is balanced out by the bluntness of the expository dialogue. Ginny is a Child Psychology major, a character trait that is introduced with all of the grace of a first time writer who is also a boxing champion. Paul literally says "Why don't you use some of that child psychology you're majoring in?"

This guy.

When half the counselors leave to spend a night out on the town, things start to get hairy.

The counselors that chose to stay behind fall into the typical patterns of Friday the 13th teenagerhood, drinking, smoking, banging, and dying. Although the gore scenes are positively modest in comparison to the original (the MPAA had begun its first of a series of crackdowns on the slasher genre), what is shown is gleefully wicked.

Jeff and Sandra are speared mid-coitus in a bald ripoff of Twitch of the Death Nerve (one of the franchise's favorite victims) that nonetheless is shocking and fun, Vickie sits immobile in fear and watches Jason approach her for about ten seconds with a big knife and thus earning her a spot in my Ten Modern Horror Rules list, and Jason proves once and for all that he is an equal opportunity serial killer.

What a nice guy.

Slutty McSlutNipples goes skinny dipping alone because she's a brave queen. The clincher? Earlier that evening when she decided to stick around and look for her dog she said "I think I'll stay too, Muffin may show." This is seriously my favorite thing that has ever happened. Call me sleazy if you want, but exploitation cinema has never gotten more clever and cheesy and wonderful than that very line. Perfection.

Sooner or later, Ginny is the only one left and boy is she ready. She knees Jason in the crotch, attacks him with a chainsaw, and although she makes the fatal error of failing to double tap, she utilizes her child psychology knowledge to placate Jason by pretending to be his mother.

Jason is macheted by a miraculously alive Paul, and the two limp off into what I would call the most bizarre shock ending ever if I hadn't already seen the next film in the series. Everything is fine, but the door creaks open to reveal... Muffin!

Then Jason bursts through the window.

Then it was all a dream.

Then Paul has vanished.

I don't know anything about what happened here and I don't care about spoiling it because it's so outrageously hackneyed and stupid and sequelly. At least we got the genuinely frightening and cool Final Girl sequence beforehand.

In this gif, Jason is played by Warrington Gillette. Contrary to what he claims, he did not play Jason in any of the other scenes. Boo Warrington Gillette.

Overall, Friday the 13th Part 2 is tremendously fun if less shocking and grubbily powerful than the original. The script is strong enough to shoulder some of the burden left by the diluted gore effects and Amy Steel gives a layered performance as Ginny even if the other actors leave something to be desired. 

You know what? No they don't. I'm too jaded to desire good acting from these things. At least Amy is flawless.

Steve Miner (who was an associate producer on the original film) directs like he actually has a brain, and the movie benefits greatly from it. His scenes of darkness hide objects just enough to render them scary instead of just obscuring everything in sight. He also utilizes some basic deep focus cinematography that frame foreground and background objects in ways that relate to one another. Not exactly rocket science, but it shows more effort than the utterly workmanlike Sean S. Cunningham.

Ginny doesn't like hacks.

Friday the 13th Part 2 has nothing on the campy joy of later entries, but it's a solidly made and occasionally scary slasher film in the Crystal Lake saga (my unofficial name for the first four films before things got weird).

One more thing before I go (I know, I know. I'm almost done.). I mentioned earlier that the mantra of the franchise is "exactly the same, only different" which is perhaps a little unfair. Each Friday the 13th film is comprised of a million little details that are radically different from any other film in the franchise that lend it texture.

This film is no different as our expectations are subverted left and right.

The most obvious example is that Ted the prankster somehow survives the ordeal. Who could have seen that coming? He's happily ensconced in a bar booth miles away during the bloodbath. I already mentioned that the ethnic counselors survive, but that's worth mentioning again and again in an 80's horror film.

Also the clean cut prude looking girl turns out to be the horniest of them all (choice dialogue: "I only need your fingers." "Let's play for position.") and Ginny pretty clearly gets it on with Paul, ripping the Final Girl standard off its hinges.

And my favorite pairing. Slutty McSlutNipples never has sex and the studbucket strikes out. Take a look at him on your way out and don't tell me you're not surprised.

Slingshot. There's a joke in there somewhere.

Killer: Jason Voorhees (Steve Dash), and what a pleasure it is to be writing those words.

Final Girl: Ginny Field (Amy Steel)

Best Kill: Coitus interruptus 

Sign of the Times: Vickie's "sexy outfit" is a bulky sweater with geometric shapes.

Scariest Moment: Jason rips his pitchfork through the canvas roof of Ginny's car.

Weirdest Moment: It is shown that Ginny wears a bra. Take a close look, it's the last one you'll ever see in a Friday the 13th film.

Champion Dialogue: "This place is starting to look like a Burger King."

Body Count: 10; I included Paul even though nobody actually knows what happened to him. Also a dog maybe. The ending is really inconsistent.

1. Alice is stabbed in the temple with an ice pick.
2. Crazy Ralph is strangled to death with barbed wire.
3. The Cop gets the back of a hammer in his skull.
4. Scott's throat is slit with a machete.
5. Terry is killed offscreen.
6. Mark gets a machete in the face, then rolls down a flight of stairs.
7. Jeff is impaled with a spear while boning Sandra.
8. Sandra is impaled with a spear while boning Jeff.
9. Vickie is stabbed in the chest.
10. Paul mysteriously vanishes. 

TL;DR: Friday the 13th Part 2 is more technically proficient than its predecessor but can't fully recapture the grubby magic.

Rating: 8/10

Word Count: 2174

Reviews In This Series

Friday the 13th (Cunningham, 1980)

Friday the 13th Part 2 (Miner, 1981)
Friday the 13th Part 3: 3D (Miner, 1982)
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Zito, 1984)
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (Steinmann, 1985)
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (McLoughlin, 1986)
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (Buechler, 1988)
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (Hedden, 1989)
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (Marcus, 1993)
Jason X (Isaac, 2001)
Freddy vs. Jason (Yu, 2003)
Friday the 13th (Nispel, 2009)

July Cleanup

When I began this blog, I made a pact to myself to write about every movie I see, even if I've seen it before and no matter how old or random it was. The thing is though, sometimes it's hard to keep up. When I hang out with Henri or Cassidy, we'll usually watch two or three movies at a time and writing one review takes me about two hours with research, pictures, formatting, writing, and distribution. Did I mention I have a job?

So while I've done an admirable job (if I do say so myself) of matching review output with movie input, there are a couple films that slipped through the cracks. In an attempt to catch up with myself, I'm gonna throw down some mini-reviews.

Chopping Mall

Year: 1986
Director: Jim Wynorski
Cast: Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd
Run Time: 1 hour 17 minutes
MPAA Rating: R

My notes on Chopping Mall are just as scattershot and hallucinatory as the film itself.

"flare in boob/spiders and snakes/can't imagine life/if all movies were good"

Produced by Roger Corman('s wife), Chopping Mall very clearly wants you to think it is a slasher movie, but it is so much more than that.

Park Plaza Mall has just installed a new security system in the form of robots that shoot lasers. This is awesome. And while the movie does follow a slasher recipe for a while - a group of teens has a late night party in the mall and begin to get mowed down one by one by the malfunctioning robots - by the third act it has transformed into an explosive 80's cheesy action extravaganza.

Full of Terrible Horror Movie Decision Making, weird sci-fi/action setpieces, and chipper robots telling their still-smoking victims to "have a nice day," Chopping Mall is one of those B movies that will forever have a devoted following.

Champion Dialogue: "Waitress, more butter!"

Rating: 6/10

The Truman Show

Year: 1998
Director: Peter Weir
Cast: Jim Carrey, Ed Harris, Laura Linney
Run Time: 1 hour 43 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG

Although I already talked about this film in Sunday's installment of the Movie ABC's, it is worth pointing out that the world building in The Truman Show is unmatched in most 90's comedies. To carry out a high concept like "man's life is unwittingly broadcast worldwide" involves a lot of examinations of the repercussions of this format which are explored somewhat in the film - enough to hint at a much larger world around Truman that is clearly well thought out but not detracting from the major storyline of the film.

Rating: 8/10

The Kids Are All Right

Year: 2010
Director: Lisa Cholodenko
Cast: Julianne Moore, Annette Bening, Mark Ruffalo
Run Time: 1 hour 46 minutes
MPAA Rating: R

I had been pressed on all sides to see The Kids Are All Right. Sergio wanted me to see it because he loved the film. My mom wanted me to see it because she didn't care for it. Naturally, I resisted. My childish impulse was to shy away from the film that other people so clearly wanted me to watch, but I finally bit the bullet and popped in the DVD.

It turns out I fall just about exactly in between. The Kids Are All Right is a very human depiction of a particularly strong upheaval in the lives of a family headed by two lesbian partners. When Laser (Josh Hutcherson) convinces his sister (Mia Wasikowska) to contact their birth father Paul (Ruffalo), a wrench in thrown into their "idyllic" family life.

The control freak Nic (Bening) and her partner, the free-spirited Jules (Moore) find themselves on opposite sides when Jules embraces Paul's presence and begins work redesigning his back garden. The tensions that had previously existed between the two (Nic is too focused on her work; Jules doesn't understand the consequences of her actions) flare up brighter than ever in the presence of this new catalyst.

With an ensemble cast that breathes life into a pretty routine story, The Kids Are All Right is a pleasant but meandering exploration of the relationship between a long-standing couple that has taken their mutual love for granted. The most important element, the fact that a central couple is a pair of lesbians, is not treated as a novelty or a gimmick, which is the factor that led most to my enjoyment of a film that I typically wouldn't consider to be in my wheelhouse.

Rating: 7/10
Word Count: 756