Census Bloodbath: G Is For Giggles

Today's Blogging From A to Z Challenge is a continuation of an old tradition - the return of Census Bloodbath! I've been meaning to get back to my bone-deep exploration of the 80's slasher genre and my new essay prompt about the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise is a great entry point.

Year: 1987

Director: Chuck Russell

Cast: Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Patricia Arquette

Run Time: 1 hour 36 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors opens with a solemn Edgar Allen Poe quote, so you know Wes Craven had something to do with it. Slasher movies were never more literary than when ole W-Crave was around. And in fact, he did produce this film and write the story treatment, after sitting out the first sequel (which ended up having absolutely squat to do with the rest of the series but is pleasingly homoerotic).

Craven's presence means that this is pretty much the best Nightmare sequel until New Nightmare came around in the same year I did - 1994. Although his raw power was diluted somewhat by co-writer Frank Darabont (yes, this guy) and director Chuck Russell (who would direct my favorite 80's remake, The Blob), Dream Warriors is a delightful and clever script that introduces the new, more comedic, elements of Freddy's character while still maintaining a solid aura of horror.

As perfectly evidenced by this still of Freddy slashing Zsa Zsa Gabour.

This is the film where Freddy truly gains his black humor and affinity for puns. Although people certainly do like to remember the original Nightmare as a laugh riot, that kind of thing really didn't come around until this sequel. It's quite similar to how people view The Evil Dead through the filter of Evil Dead II. Casual horror fans have very poor memories, it seems. Although at least they're watching Evil Dead.

That's one of the really interesting thing about slasher franchises. The most memorable aspects of key characters don't usually come in until the third entry in two of the genre cornerstones. Freddy didn't get his puns until Dream Warriors and Jason didn't get his mask until Part 3: 3D. I suppose the filmmakers know they have to shake things up at some point and why not now? When you're two movies in and swimming in the dough, you have all the confidence in the world to twist a thing or two around.

Freddy's newfound sense of humor represents the turn to self parody that inevitably strikes long-running horror franchises. Jason didn't chime in until Part VI and Michael was late to the game with Halloween H20 in 1998. Chucky lost his edge with the fourth film, Bride of Chucky, and Prom Night figured it out with The Last Kiss. 

Because, at some point, the basic trappings of the slasher genre are picked clean and you can't pull the same characters out of the gate for the eighth time over and expect the same kind of magic. The always intelligent Craven knew this and so he turned his bright eyed demon of the night into a clownish huckster, still a dark figure, but one whose work is immensely fun to watch. Freddy would eventually beach himself as the humor dried up during three more installments, but the clever sparkle is what helped teen horror fans fall even more in love with the character.

Either that or they're fans of phallic imagery. Come to think of it, maybe it's the second thing.

But anyway! The movie!

Our Meat this time around is a group of teens who are in a mental hospital due to insomnia-related illnesses and attempted suicide. What the doctors don't realize is that the injuries that they incur during the night aren't of their own doing, but rather the angry man with knives for fingers who haunts them every time they fall asleep.

The protagonist du jour is Kristen Baker (Patricia Arquette in her first film role), a spunky young blonde with the ability to pull people into her dreams, but her ragtag band of inmates includes Joey (Rodney Eastman, previously a featured extra in Chopping Mall), a kid who has lost the ability to speak due to Freddy-induced nightmares; Kincaid (Ken Sagoes, who I met at a convention. I am unhappy to report that he is a terrible, rude, cheap little man and as a result I perhaps unfairly hate his character), an angry young man who spends most of his time locked up alone in the "Quiet Room"; Taryn (Jennifer Rubin, who I also met and is lovely), a badass ex-heroin addict; Jennifer (Penelope Sudrow), a sweet young woman who wants to be a TV star; Phillip (Bradley Gregg), a marionette maker; and Will (Ira Heiden), a wheelchair-bound nerd who adores tabletop fantasy games.

With so many characters to keep track of, it's easy to see why it's a near impossibility that this film would have the terror and impact of the original. It's hard to fall in love with so many people at a time so, when they inevitably die, it has to be funny or else it's just kind of sad. Throw in the three-person hospital crew (One of whom is played by Laurence Fishburne. I'll pay you $500 dollars if you can sit through the entire movie without making a Matrix joke.) and add in a little Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) to class up the proceedings, and you have a veritable parade of human flesh.

The return of Nancy, the Final Girl from the original film, is another huge benefit to the success of this sequel. Despite still being a remarkably atrocious actress, Langenkamp has a charismatic magnetism that makes you want to love her. And having a Krueger survivor in the mix deepens the mythology and allows for a character to learn from her mistakes in the past and use it to save a new generation of Final Girls.

 Basically, Wes Craven should write all sequels. He knows what's up.

Although the kids are thinly characterized, they each have a particular weakness that can be overcome in their dreams. For example, the wheelchair kid can walk again and gains the powers of a magical Dungeons and Dragons wizard. And the heroin addict is beautiful, bad, and powerful. The introduction of this element, that which lends the film its title, provides a powerful thematic through line as the teens battle Freddy on his own terms in Dreamland.

He uses their weaknesses against them (the celebrity wannabe is thrust into her TV set - "Welcome to Prime Time, bitch!"), but they must find the internal strength to overcome them by utilizing their dream skills. It's a tremendously fun battle to watch and it resonates with teens across the world as they battle their own personal demons. Theirs might not be a burned man in a battered fedora, but every high school problem feels equally as dangerous and deadly as Freddy's razor glove when you're the one living through them.

With such a powerful theme to hang its hat on, the film is a remarkable success at combining comedy and horror, typically the two hardest genres to mix - like oil and water. The gonzo special effects of the Dream World are also a huge draw, although it's clear that the budget was poured directly into their realization, leaving the real world sets looking thin, cheap, and a little worse for the wear.

And no matter how many times I watch and enjoy this movie, I still can't force myself to truly believe that Patricia Arquette turns in a good performance. But despite its flaws, Dream Warriors is a fun tour of the new Freddy and the absolute best of the comedic Nightmare films.

Killer: Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund)

Final Girl: Kristen Parker (Patricia Arquette)

Best Kill: Freddy rips out a sleepwalker's tendons and uses them as marionette strings to walk him off the roof of the hospital.

Sign of the Times: Half of the soundtrack is by Dokken. The other half is by Cyndi Lauper's synth falling down the stairs.

Scariest Moment: Freddy turns a drug addict's needle scars into gaping mouths and stabs her with his hypodermic claws.

Weirdest Moment: The backstory in which it is discovered that Freddy is quite literally the "bastard son of 100 maniacs."

Champion Dialogue: "In my dreams, I am the Wizard Master!"

Body Count: 6; Not including Freddy because come on.

1. Phillip has his tendons pulled out and is used as a marionette, falling off of the tower when Freddy cuts his strings.
2. Jennifer is shoved into a TV set.
3. Taryn is stabbed with Freddy's needle claws, overdosing on heroin.
4. Will has his heart ripped out before he can use his wizard powers to good effect.
5. Donald Thompson is impaled on a car fin.
6. [Nancy Thompson is stabbed in the stomach.] 

TL;DR: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors is less powerful and character-driven than the original, but its sense of humor and special effects extravaganzas make it a truly enjoyable sequel.

Rating: 8/10

Word Count: 1507

Reviews In This Series

A Nightmare on Elm Street (Craven, 1984)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (Sholder, 1985)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (Russell, 1987)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (Harlin, 1988)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (Hopkins, 1989)

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (Talalay, 1991)

Wes Craven's New Nightmare (Craven, 1994)

Freddy vs. Jason (Yu, 2003)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (Bayer, 2010)

Blob Me Blind

Year: 1988

Director: Chuck Russell

Cast: Kevin Dillon, Shawnee Smith, Donovan Leitch

Run Time: 1 hour 35 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

You can never have enough Blob.

This is an opinion held by many, as evidenced by the popularity of Blobfest, a yearly convention in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania that has been going strong since 1958, the year the original film came out. The festivities include four double features (one half of which is always The Blob), 1950s Makeover and Costume contests, special guests, a Fire Extinguisher Parade, and the Friday Night Run Out, where the entire audience runs out of the Colonial Theatre, the location the Blob attacked at the end of the film.

That was all one sentence.

Anyway, it's nice to be reaffirmed in my love for the Blob, the topic I have chosen for my essay in my Horror Genre class. To complete this five page essay (which will shortly become available to you on this blog, should you wish to read an actual academic analysis of a dumb movie about a Blob that eats people), part of the assignment is to watch the sequel (Beware! The Blob) and the 1988 remake.

Since I was already planning on doing that anyway, it was an obvious choice of essay topics.

And since B!tB is stuck in the mail somewhere, I decided to begin with the remake, released exactly 30 years after the original Steve McQueen film.

Things have changed since then (although making a pile of silicone look like it's rolling around is still just as hard as before, evidently). Visual effects have improved tenfold. Horror has risen to prominence as the genre to beat. The beginning of the decade saw the invention of the slasher film.

That last development more than anything else is what informs The Blob of the 80's. This film is about one topless scene away from being a Census Bloodbath entry.

There's a Final Girl, a couple making out in a car and getting Blobbed, a man bursting from the shadows brandishing an axe, not to mention that half of it takes place in the woods. This is no accident. The movie showing in the cinema in the climactic scene is one of the most spot on parodies of the genre I've ever seen. Also, let's not forget about Chuck Russell, whose previous directing gig was none other than A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (The Blob also shares screenwriter Frank Darabont with that lovely late era slasher film).

Coming so late in the 80's, there was no way the new Blob could be anything other than a slasher riff. That's what was selling and had been selling for a decade at that point. If that makes it sound stale, trust me it absolutely isn't. Yes, it's a slasher framework but how many "teens in the woods" movies choose a ravenous gelatinous monster as their villain?

As a preeminent slasher scholar, I can tell you: Not a lot. 

Meg (Shawnee Smith of the first three Saw movies) is a sweet young cheerleader from the struggling off-season ski town of Arborville, California. Although the town's economy is troubled, she still has something to cheer about - cute jock Paul Taylor (Donovan Leitch of the Brad Pitt slasher abortion Cutting Class) has just asked her out on a date! Gee whiz! A great deal of time in the first act is spent on teen hijinks (including a bizarre reworking of this ancient joke) in a barely disguised Meet the Meat sequence.

There's Scott (Ricky Paull Goldin), Paul's douchey best friend (his best analogue is Ted from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, and I'll bet my life's savings that the Blobmakers have seen that film); Brian Flagg (Kevin Dillon, who has made something of a name for himself with Entourage), the leather clad motorcycle rebel; the town weirdo Reverend Meeker (Del Close); Diner owner Fran (Candy Clark); and her suitor, Sherriff Geller (Jeffrey DeMunn, perhaps best known as Dale from The Walking Dead. This won't be the last time he'll pop up somewhere you least expect it - he'll appear in Christmas Evil, one of our upcoming Census Bloodbath features).

This is a remake after all, so although most of these characters are original, it's obvious that Meg and Paul are the stand-ins for teenybopper heroes Aneta Coursaut and Steve McQueen. Oh, also a meteor crashes to Earth containing a ravenous Blob. That too.

(SPOILERS IN THIS PARAGRAPH) The movie follows the original for a while with the couple driving a Blob-afflicted old man to the doctor. Then the movie tips its hand when it freaking kills Paul dead in just about the most violent manner possible. We just got Psycho'd hard, guys. Our young hero has joined Marion Crane and Casey Becker in the special Heaven for top billed characters who die before the 45 minute mark. Now that the movie has thrown a wrench in the works, Brian Flagg steps up to the plate, teaming up with Meg to help save the town, but the movie has already proved how far it's willing to go - anything can happen.

He never lived to see the advent of the selfie. It's hard to tell if this is a bad thing.

It also proves how far gore effects have come in the last 30 years. This is still massively tawdry and cheap stuff, mind you. It's no The Thing, but The Blob is exactly everything a 50's style sci-fi horror flick transplanted into the late 80's should be - tremendous fun with a gonzo flair for increasingly outrageous gore setpieces.

A man gets his arm ripped off as the rest of him dissolves in the Blob, a diner worker is pulled into a sink drain, a woman in a telephone booth is completely engulfed. Faces melt, bones are crushed, and the Blob gushes around with gusto, squealing and thrashing and crushing townspeople with its enormous tentacles (a new and appreciated addition - this feels so much like all the best parts of a cheesy black and white monster movie).

The final third of the film has some commentary on the US government (the monster being a failed biochemical warfare experiment) and it's all well and good but the most important part is the middle, in which nothing much happens but various people around town getting Blobbed. This is fantastic and worth the price of admission even without the witty repartee and cute meta humor.

Blobbed.

Blobbed.

I regret to inform you that you've just been Blobbed.

Blobbed Nightmare on Elm Street style.

The Blob avoids the modern remake habit of grittifying everything (Imagine if you will: a grey and world-weary Blob wearing sunglasses and dissolving townspeople as revenge for his dead bride. He keeps going out of a sense of duty but can't shake the nihilistic idea that maybe it just isn't worth it anymore. He's the Blob this city wants but doesn't need anymore.) and embraces its camp pedigree. 

There was hardly a better time for sci-fi/action/horror camp than the 80's, and this Blob turns it up to 11. Sillier. 80's-er. Gorier. Blobbier.

There's a motorcycle chase.

Somebody actually says the words "Chew on that, slimeball!"

A manhole cover is exploded with a bazooka because everything explodes in the 80's.

When nothing is taken seriously it's really quite hard to be even a little scared, but it's even harder to not have a good time. 

Who doesn't have a good time at the movies?

Also, the film isn't shoddily made at all. (What?) In fact, the editing is even rather brilliant at times, keeping in mind the campy tone. The opening shot of a cemetery pans over to a rowdy crowd cheering on a high school football game; a particularly Blobby scene cuts right to a kid slurping up Jello; and Brian's attempt at an Evel Knievel style stunt is intercut with the cheerleading squad chanting "GO! GO! GO!"

Not quite Academy Award level work, maybe, but it shows that a lot of thought and love went into this film. And if you don't agree, you can go Blob yourself.

Body Count (and the very fact that it needs a body count is telling): 21; also half of the audience of the movie theater and a multitude of random townspeople.

TL;DR: The Blob is a perfect remake, capturing the tone and humor of the original but ramping up the visual effects with modern flair.

Rating: 9/10

Word Count: 1418
Reviews In This Series
The Blob (Yeaworth Jr./Doughton Jr., 1958)
Beware! The Blob (Hagman, 1972)
The Blob (Russell, 1988)