The Texts Are Coming From Inside The House

Year: 2011

Director: Wes Craven

Cast: Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courteney Cox

Run Time: 1 hour 51 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

Here we are at the end of yet another of my franchise marathons. However, like so many of these slasher villains have proven, it’s never truly the end. Betweens remakes, reboots crossovers, and recalibrations, all our favorite killers remain indestructible. In fact, Scream itself is experiencing new life as a surprisingly watchable teen soap on MTV. Nevertheless, let’s take a moment to reflect on where some notable franchises have left us, in honor of the Scream tradition of contemplating the rules and formulas of horror films.

Friday the 13th left this world in a blaze of glory with the one-two punch of the insane, alternately blisteringly gory and leadenly dull Jason Goes to Hell and the zippy but senile Jason X. A Nightmare on Elm Street gave us Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, a thoughtful, chilling masterpiece that reflected on the decade of crap that came before it and recycled it back into something great. Halloween (reviews yet to come) tossed Michael Myers to the winds of the new millennium, letting him get torn apart by the twin evils of web television and Busta Rhymes. Texas Chainsaw introduced Leatherface to Illuminati nipples. And Saw forgot they were even making a film halfway through, leaving their main character quite literally on the cutting room floor.

So what are we to take from all of this? Well, mainly that late sequels suck, except where Wes Craven is involved. Now, 2011 Wes Craven was a much different, softer man than 1994 Wes Craven, and that’s the truth. Scream 4 is no New Nightmare and it doesn’t go around changing any games that I can see. But it’s a damn sight better than it has any right to be, especially coming on the heels of the appalling Scream 3.

I mean, just by extent of not having that dumb-ass voice changer box, this film is like Casablanca in comparison to Scream 3.

Scream 4 begins by retracing its roots. Wait, let me back up. Scream 4 begins with a tongue-in-cheek, self-devouring, instantly divisive opening sequence that I am loathe to spoil if you haven’t seen it, though I err on the side of liking it. Then it retraces its roots, for the first time bringing consummate survivor Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) back to her hometown of Woodsboro, California. It’s been over a decade since the series of three murder sprees that defined her life, launching the wildly popular Stab series of horror films (the first three of which were based on her life, the rest of which get increasingly inane, all of which I hope somebody makes one day), and sending her to the top of the best-seller list as the author of a book about stepping out of the shadows, denouncing your role as a victim, and becoming a survivor.

Of course, the second she arrives in town a new murder spree begins as the villainous Ghostface (the evergreen Roger Jackson) turns his attentions to Sidney’s young niece (Emma Roberts) and her bland teen friends, of whom the only important one is the inimitable Kirby (Hayden Panettiere), a horror buff who oozes confidence and androgynous apathy. Sidney must once again team up with Sheriff Dewey (David Arquette) and his wife Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox) to solve these murders and just maybe save their crumbling marriage.

At least fictionally. Sometimes meta scripts can be painful.

Scream 4 is neither the apotheosis of what a modern take on Scream could be, nor is it the black mark on the franchise that some die-hard fans make it out to be. It politely engages with some modern technological advances (Facebook, Twitter, speakerphone, that sort of thing – trés Gossip Girl), mulls a bit over what it means to be a horror film in the Age of Remakes, and waves at new distribution technology and torture porn in the hallway before realizing it doesn’t actually recognize them and pretending it was swatting a fly or something. There are a few ideas that it bats around about as smoothly as a 46-year-old screenwriter and a 71-year-old director can be expected to (ie. about as well as asking them to navigate Tumblr). But otherwise it finds a fairly solid amount of actual material to work with.

It helps to think of it as Scream Lite, for the viewer on the go who wants to watch their brain cell expenditure. Sure it can be a little goofy (like their dogged assertion that naming a deputy “Anthony Perkins” is a subtle in-joke/veritable laugh riot), and maybe it’s a little flabby around the middle and during its extended finale, and yeah it is never ever scary, but it’s also a great deal of fun. Which is more than I can say for the embalmed gags and McDreamy preening of Scream 3. It’s an excuse to drop into the world of these characters one more time, and though it might be fleeting, it’s hard to find fault in that.

And now that the 90’s are over, we’ll never ever have to look at an all-denim ensemble again.

Admittedly, a lot of Scream 4 is coasting, though when it’s on autopilot it’s at least on the level of a Halloween: H20 rather than an I Know What You Did Last Summer, if that’s any comfort. And when the film is shaken awake, there are some moments that genuinely come alive. The film plays with the ubiquity of video cameras in the modern world, utilizing the technology to create multiple angle perspectives on some of the more effective tension sequences.

Now that I’m done making a total nerd of myself, it’s time to… do that a little bit more. Because the continuity editing in Gale’s scenes is just embarrassing, and I would be remiss if I didn’t bring that up at least once.

Anybody agree? No? Just me?

OK, I need to get my act together with some semblance of a conclusion here. Scream 4 has just really distracted me with its baffling uncategorizability. Scream 4 is an ultimately satisfying bumpy ride with veteran franchise actors squaring off against airbrushed MTV personalities, wooden quips rubbing shoulders with chewy subtext about victimization and American celebrity, and a kick-ass mod rock soundtrack by The Sounds not quite clashing with a romantic Western Marco Beltrami score that reminds us just how valuable he is to this series. In short, it’s a hot mess, but a happy one. Like a plate of nachos. Or a Sia music video.

After all I’ve been through, I can’t say I’m disappointed by that.

Body Count: 15

1. Trudy is stabbed in the chest.
2. Sherrie has her throat slit.
3. Rachel is stabbed in the gut.
4. Marnie is killed offscreen.
5. Jenny is stabbed to death.
6. Olivia is stabbed to death.
7. Rebecca is stabbed in the gut.
8. Hoss is stabbed in the back.
9. Perkins is stabbed in the forehead.
10. Mrs. Roberts is stabbed through the back of the neck.
11. Robbie is stabbed to death.
12. Kirby is stabbed in the gut.
13. Trevor is shot in the head.
14. [Charlie is stabbed in the heart.]
15. [Jill is shot in the chest.] 

TL;DR: Scream 4 is a messy, but decent franchise ender (for now).

Rating: 7/10

Word Count: 1217

Reviews In This Series
Scream (Craven, 1996)
Scream 2 (Craven, 1997)
Scream 3 (Craven, 2000)
Scream 4 (Craven, 2011)

Hellular Telephones

Year: 2000

Director: Wes Craven

Cast: Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette

Run Time: 1 hour 57 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

Wes Craven is not a horror director. That is to say – like so many before him – he is a director who began his career with a pair or earth-shaking horror flicks and was immediately put in a box, not really allowed to do anything outside the genre. You’ll never catch me complaining about this, because the man has turned out some of the best genre pictures in three consecutive generations. But the fact remains that Craven had other stories to tell.

It was in pursuit of one of those stories – 1999’s Music of the Heart, starring Meryl Streep,  - that Craven was strong-armed into helming the third entry in the Scream franchise. He agreed to come back in exchange for a green light on his heartwarming violin picture. Needless to say, his music-loving heart wasn’t in it. And neither was Kevin Williamson. 

The screamsmith was far too busy with the seminal, life-changing teen soap Dawson’s Creek to write more than a treatment, and screenplay duties were left to one Ehren Kruger, who must have gotten the gig on the strength of his last name alone, because his CV is a gaping hole that eventually leads to such pivotal masterworks as The Ring Two and three Transformers sequels.

As you may have already guessed, the Scream 3, she is not so good.

I mean, maybe it might have been if Meryl Streep was in it.

Scream 3 instantly starts us off on the wrong foot with its cameo opening deaths: recurring character Cotton Weary (Live Schreiber) and his girlfriend Christine (Kelly Rutherford). Cotton I can understand. We’re capping off a trilogy after all. But Kelly Rutherford? She’s so inadequately famous for this role that Scream 3 is listed second on her IMDb “Known For” page. That’s just embarrassing.

Anyway, these two get murdered using a plot device so New Millennium, it’s all I can take not to vomit all over my keyboard: Apparently Ghostface (the ever reliable Roger Jackson) now has a voice processor machine, via which he can perfectly imitate the voice of any character in the movie. This is technology that doesn’t even exist now, 15 years later, and it s deeply, unequivocally irritating. It would be a better plot point just to say that he’s great at doing impressions and leave it at that. It would still be hideously ludicrous, but at least it doesn’t make me want to smash my Blu-Ray disc against a concrete wall.

Alright, it’s out of my system. Scream 3 depicts the production of Stab 3: Return to Woodsboro, a sequel to the two highly successful horror films based on the life and times of Sidney Prescott (Never Campbell), who had two sets of her friends get murdered in high school and college. Fun stuff. Real life Sidney is now a recluse, living in a remote house in the mountains and working for a women’s crisis counseling hotline. When the cast of Stab 3 begins to die in the order that they are killed in the script, Sidney once again teams up with Woodsboro deputy-turned Hollywood consultant Dewey Riley (David Arquette),  and the acid-tongued reporter Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox), as well at the newcomer, the movie-loving, suspiciously macabre Detective Kincaid (McDreamy).

Ah, don’t you miss the 2000’s?

Honestly, this is a great plot on paper. The killer is bringing the movie to life, but constant rewrites (one of the film’s more successful self-reflexive jokes) have left three versions of the script floating around, and nobody knows which copy the killer got a hold of. But just like Scream 2 before it, this great concept slips through its fingers before it even gets a chance to establish a pattern, degrading into a mush of stabbings, cell phone calls, and sinister faxes. We never even see the script we’re supposed to be worried is coming to life.

The difference between Scream 2 and this one is that it still had a solid character arc to fall back on. That film was about Sidney processing her old trauma under the shadow of a new one. This one is about Sidney sitting in a variety of comfy chairs, out of which she occasionally rises for some vigorous avoid-the-knife calisthenics.

There are some stabs (ha) at character expositions, in which Sidney’s mother Maureen (Lynn McKee) is revealed to have a secret past. But these are rendered entirely useless by the script’s dogged insistence on vilifying Maureen as being a slut because she was raped, which relies on such twisted, ugly gender politics that making Megan Fox’s ass a more nuanced character than her actual role in Transofrmers 2 actually seems like a progressive step.

Really, the script is just a drag, replacing the series’ characteristic movie references with a rotting heap of F words in a feckless attempt at being “edgy.”

Scream 3 is about as edgy as a Dungeons and Dragons die.

I do have love in my heart for all the Scream movies. Even this – the left-handed stepchild of the franchise. But sometimes you have to work hard in a loving relationship, and focus on the good, which is what I shall do here. There are a good handful of genuinely funny moments, though they are more broadly comic than the franchise is accustomed to. So at least the sense of humor is intact, though there is only one sequence (a chase scene through a stage recreation of Sidney’s old home) that even approaches the live wire tension of its predecessors. At least two moments achieve that delicate balance mingling horror and comedy, and the cast ain’t half bad.

Actually, that is to say, they’re exactly half bad. The cadre of pretty young thangs shoveled into the film’s bloated midsection (including Jenny McCarthy, Emily Mortimer, Matt Keeslar, and Deon Richmond) is uniformly anemic, though Parker Posey breaks free from the mire once she’s called upon to do some stellar one-on-one time with Courteney Cox. David Arquette, on the other hand, is the exact opposite, straining to connect the dots of his undernourished love-hate relationship with then-new wife Cox., but excelling once again at subtle, self-deprecating comedy. Cox herself is good as ever, though forced to act from behind a set of bangs that seem to have been burned off with acid. Neve Campbell and Patrick Dempsey fail to make much of an impression, spending all their time as they do gnashing their teeth at one another, but Scott Foley finds his time to shine as harried young director Roman Bridger.

Really, it’s not an inspiring set of pros. Especially not when the cons include those bangs. So I leave you with this: Scream 3 is the worst Scream movie. It’s still an alright Scream movie, but it’s the worst. What can I say? I’m in Wes Craven’s court till the day I die, but you can’t win ‘em all.

And sometimes you pick the wrong day to insult your hairstylist's favorite band.

Body Count: 10

1. Christine is stabbed in the back.
2. Cotton is stabbed in the chest.
3. Sarah is stabbed in the back and shoved through a window.
4. Stone is stabbed in the back and beaten with a pan.
5. Tom dies in a gas explosion.
6. Angelina is stabbed in the torso.
7. Tyson is stabbed in the gut.
8. Jennifer is stabbed in the back and shot.
9. John Milton has his throat sit. 
10. [Roman is shot in the head.]

TL;DR: Scream 3 is the weakest of a fairly strong bunch.

Rating: 5/10

Word Count: 1266
Reviews In This Series
Scream (Craven, 1996)
Scream 2 (Craven, 1997)
Scream 3 (Craven, 2000)
Scream 4 (Craven, 2011)

Happy Birthday To Me

Hello everybody.

Do you notice anything different about me? Perhaps it's a new haircut. Perhaps it's a different shirt. Perhaps it's the newfound maturity and poise that comes part and parcel with my inevitable crossing into adulthood. That's right folks, I'm no longer a teenager. Welcome to my 20th birthday!

Having exhausted the slate of 80's slashers with "birthday" in the title, I decided to do something a little different this year. Inspired by a post made by my friend on her blog ScaryLibrary, I decided to make a list of the best horror films (that I have seen) from every year of my existence. Love the 80's though I do, I was not alive in them. And the intervening years have had some gems that deserve more attention that they get.

Without further ado,

The Best Horror Films from Each Year of My Life

1994: Wes Craven's New Nightmare

I am incredibly honored to share a birth year with the best Nightmare sequel and just plain one of the most intelligent horror movies of all time. It's my Number Seven favorite horror movie for a reason. Wes Craven utilized a high concept to drag his high concept franchise back onto the tracks and achieve the unachievable - make Freddy scary again, something which any viewer of Freddy's Dead would deem nigh on impossible.

1995: Leprechaun 3

This isn't so much a testament to Leprechaun 3's quality as it is a sad reminder of the state of horror in the mid-90's. It's easy to pick out the third Leprechaun from such miserable company as Tales from the Hood or Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest, if only for Warwick Davis' gleeful performance and the hyperbolically low budget that transforms the glittering city of Las Vegas into a street corner and the interior of a warehouse.

1996: Scream

And here we go. The horror genre had been slowly bleeding out since the triple whammy of Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, and Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers cold-cocked it in 1989. But Wes Craven jammed an adrenaline needle into the genre's heart with Scream, a postmodern slasher masterpiece and the reason I fell in love with horror. Without Scream, you wouldn't be reading this right now.

1997: Cube

I love cult film. I love Canada. Those combined make me the perfect audience member for Cube. But honestly, I think Cube is perfect for just about anyone. It's thrilling, it's gory, it's way smarter than it needs to be, and the actors' suppressed Canadian accents bubble up from time to time to say hello. It has gained more of a following in the last couple years, but still not nearly as much as it should have.

1998: Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later

I've never had a problem with sequels that retcon the films that came before. In fact, it plays into my love of unnecessarily complicated franchises. But the fact that the Halloween franchise was bringing in Jamie Lee Curtis again was worth any amount of denial. Heck, they could have gotten rid of Michael Myers and made it a drama about a lovelorn Laurie Strode running a boarding school and I would've been on board. But throw in Josh Hartnett, Michelle Williams, and LL Cool J and you've got yourself a perfectly frothy mix for a 90's nostalgia slasher.

1999: The Sixth Sense

The Sixth Sense is one of my favorite horror films of all time and no, not for the twist ending. Honestly you could snip that part off and the movie would be just as affecting, though I'm glad it's there. M. Night Shyamalan has since failed to prove himself as a director, but in this film he exudes strict control over a sumptuous colorscape and leads one of the best child performances in cinema, so for that he gets a pass. Also Toni Collete's scene in the end will never fail to make me cry. Full disclosure.

2000: Psycho Beach Party

Buffy's Nicholas Brendon in a feature length role. A transvestite cop. A young Amy Adams. A slasher parody of Gidget. This is all I've ever needed in my life. Tack on the fact that the homoerotic subplot actually pans out and you've got a camp masterpiece that allows me to overlook its many many flaws.

2001: The Devil's Backbone

One of Guillermo del Toro's lesser appreciated movies, The Devil's Backbone had a profound effect on me the first time I watched it. The "little brother" film to his masterpiece Pan's Labyrinth, this film is a delicate character piece about a little boy, murder, and ghosts set against the backdrop of the Spanish Civil War. It also features one of the best ghost designs in all of cinema in any language.

2002: Eight Legged Freaks

I would follow David Arquette to the ends of the Earth and back. Honestly, he gets a lot of flak but I'm a big fan. His performance in Scream is an exquisite piece of comedy and his return to the genre in this campy giant spider film (featuring a young Scarlett Johansson) is a treat.

2003: Final Destination 2

Perhaps even better than the terrific high concept slasher, Final Destination, this film proved that teen horror still had the power to be clever and inventive. And gory, more so than any post-Columbine slasher had really allowed itself to be.

2004: Shaun of the Dead

Everyone knows by now that Shaun of the Dead is a near-masterpiece of horror comedy, right? This group of entertainers has proved themselves time and again, but my favorite iteration of their tight brand of wry comedy is still their first. A romantic comedy with zombies? That doesn't fail at either half? And even transcends both genres to become its own thematically coherent entity? Count me in.

2005: The Descent

It's something to behold when a horror film manages to be scary 45 minutes before the villain even kicks in. But The Descent does just that with its claustrophobic exploration of an unknown cave system. Flawlessly hiding its low budget with effects and sets that never once fail to convince, this film is a masterpiece of taut scares, punctuating its sense of overwhelming dread with frights that will knock you backwards out of your seat. And with an all woman cast! A film for the ages.

2006: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

After Scream, every darn slasher movie had to be self aware. But it's really not enough to just mock the tropes you yourself are using. Scream succeeded by having meta humor woven into its very fabric, but very few films managed to achieve its artistic success until Behind the Mask, the apotheosis of the post-Scream slasher genre. A hilarious mockumentary detailing the trials and tribulation of a man trying to make a name for himself as the next big slasher villain, the story of Leslie Vernon one of the most intelligent horror comedies of the past ten years.

2007: [REC]

And here we are at my favorite movie of all time. I'm a big fan of when a film can provoke a reaction in the audience, which is one of the reasons I'm typically drawn to the horror genre. And [REC] certainly provided. I've seen many scary movies in my day, but when the closing credits rolled and I sat there shivering on the couch in the broad daylight, unable to speak or process what had just happened, I knew Cassidy and I had stumbled upon a diamond.

2008: Cold Prey 2

It is only fitting that one of the best horror sequels of the decade should follow one of the best slashers of the decade. Both from snowy Norway, these films prove that our Scandinavian friends have been keeping a close eye on American horror, proving that they can do it pretty much better than we can, hands down. Cold Prey 2 brings back the powerhouse star Ingrid Bolsø Berdal and features stunning cinematography and one of the genre's best hospital settings.

2009: Dead Snow

What do you know, it's Norway again. I never thought I'd say this, but Norwegian horror cinema in the 2000's was a force to be reckoned with. This time around, they've brought us a gory horror comedy featuring Nazi zombies. The film makes great use of its blindingly white snowy location to create dread, something which, again, the American horror filmmakers of today seem to have no grasp of.

2010: Frozen

In this Frozen, it's probably not a good idea to let it go. Adam Green's film is about three friends who are trapped on a ski lift after the resort closes for the week. It sounds dull but it absolutely isn't, ending up somewhere close to a one room drama with heart-stopping gore sequences. Also it features Shawn Ashmore, to whom I am pre-pre-pre-pre-engaged. The next step is to actually meet him.

2011: Fright Night

One of the best remakes of the modern age (At least, taken alone. I'm a sinner and I still need to see the original.), Fright Night is sexy, dangerous, and pretty darn funny. I still think about some of the standout moments, which is something I can honestly say I have never done about any other remake ever.

2012: The Bay

Despite Sergio's inexplicable hatred for this film, I happen to love it. The Bay is one of the best found footage films ever made (which, admittedly, is a small category). Although nothing could compare to [REC], it's up there in my esteem with the likes of Cloverfield and the Paranormal Activity movies with the sense of bringing something new to the table. This eco-horror film was chilling and made by professionals, something which overcomes its flaws.

2013: You're Next

I think I've said just about as much as I need to about You're Next, what with ranking it my Number One movie of 2013 and writing an additional article after my initial review. But it's still worth mentioning in case anybody hasn't picked up on the hint. Go see You're Next. It's funny, it's gross, and it's got a badass Australian leading lady. My kinda movie.

2014: Only Lovers Left Alive

Only Lovers Left Alive didn't blow me away upon first watching it, but it's been settling into my brain and aging like a fine wine. Another horror release could come along this year and totally blow it out of the water, but for the moment its the top. A sophisticated look at an immortal couple, nothing happens in this movie, but it doesn't happen oh so well.

So there you have it! Feel free to leave me birthday comments below! Or send me money. I'm not picky.

Word Count: 1800

Surprise Cameo

It's been a while since I've featured another writer on the pages of this blog, but why be stingy? It's always nice to have a guest star. Today's very special article introduces Shannon, one of my very best friends, in her Popcorn Culture debut as she writes about her introduction to horror (I am not ashamed to admit that I appear heavily in this tale) and why scary movies make the perfect date nights, along with some personal recommendations.

Horror with your Honey: 

Why a Week of Scary Movie Dates are Beneficial to a Relationship, and Where to Start

I had never seen a single horror movie before meeting Brennan Klein. All of a sudden, by signing a contact of friendship, I was his go-to movie date for all the classics and everything in between (Literally everything, I cannot tell you the weird horror movies I have seen thanks to him— not complaining).

Luckily (or so I thought), Brennan met someone else who is now responsible for watching horror movies from Spain about someone chopping pieces of students and then piecing them back together into a monster. Initially I was slightly relieved to pass the torch to his boo, but now, in reflection, I miss him dragging me into a movie starring Lee Pace with a title I had never heard of.

[Editor's note: She is referring to Pieces and Possession, the former a great/terrible slasher movie and the latter a decent psychological ghost/possession piece.]

Why?

Because if you and another person were stranded on an island, in scary, deadly conditions, and you get rescued, only that other person can understand the trauma you went through, and thus you and that person have a magical, singular bond because of a horrific experience.

Brennan and I became best friends because we went through the mini-traumas that these horror movies are. Horror is like a roller coaster that pumps adrenaline and dopamine into our systems, and we get off the ride a little closer than before.

So, when you reach that part of your relationship when you are looking at Fandango trying to decide between a sappy romance or some indie flick with subtitles, close your browser and turn on Netflix, because nothing could be better for a relationship than a solid injection of horror.

Now whether you are a horror movie buff like Brennan, a gorehound like me, or a novice on the scary front like I was two years ago, these movies I have selected hit a multitude of the bases.

Allow me to introduce the perfect introduction-horror-movie-date-night-movies!

Movie Cluster #1 : The original trifecta of horror, and its sequel

(watch in this order for the best effect)

Day 1:

Halloween (1978, dir. John Carpenter)

Why this movie: 

Horror movies used to be about tiny budgets, shadows, and masks. John Carpenter (who I met with Brennan) knows this better than anyone else, and which is why the rather tame, theatrical Halloween is my first choice. You get an introduction to the Scream Queen (now better known for her Activia commercials) Jamie Lee Curtis, get to look evil in it’s face, and is not scary enough to make you want to give up on horror as a genre.

Day 2:

Friday the 13th (1980, dir. Sean S. Cunningham)

Why this movie (Writing about this one without spoilers is hard): 

While this movie is no Revenge of the Unhappy Campers (if you have seen that movie, email me), it is the greatest introduction, and arguably just the greatest camp-genre horror movie. One of a major aspects of the horror genre in general is the fact that people are in a contained area when the monster decides to pick off victims one-by-one, and what better buffet is there than kids at a summer camp? Plus, Kevin Bacon is in it. Just watch it.

[EN: For my lengthy review of this film, click here.]

Day 3:

A Nightmare on Elm Street (THE ORIGINAL ONE) (1984, dir. Wes Craven)

Why this movie: 

Wes Craven (who I also met with Brennan) has a really weird mind, as you will see in this movie. Unlike Halloween which is a psychological slasher and Friday which is a classic camp kid killing spree, Nightmare goes beyond the fathomable, into a world one could only dream of— or should I say nightmare. Freddy Krueger is probably the most well known of the three horror baddie front runners, maybe for his complex past or simply his use of wonderful puns. Or maybe it’s because he’s the only one of the three that actually speaks… Also, young Johnny Depp.

[EN: For my lengthy review of this film, click here.]

Day 4:

Scream (1996, dir. Wes Craven)

Why this movie: 

Kevin Williamson basically wrote fan fiction about the three original horror classics and Wes Craven made it amazing. Craven reintroduced horror in the 90s. I was one of those kids who had no idea why everyone was so obsessed with ghost face costumes (keep in mind that I didn’t see a horror film until college) and now I am so bummed because I want to own one. I guess that’s what the internet is for… But in all seriousness, Scream is a perfect watch for a couple who just watched the original three, because together you can point out the references to other horror films that this movie makes, and point out all the stars who were just kids back then, and point out most importantly the horrible 90s fashion.

[For my lengthy review of this film, click here.]

Movie Cluster #2: The other bases (watch any order, but be prepared)

Day 5:

They Live (1988, dir. John Carpenter)

Why this movie: Some of the different subgenres in horror are torture porn (sorry, not covering this one in this feature), monster, slasher, and psychological thriller. So no, I did not pick this movie simply because it is one of my all-time favorite movies, but also because this bad-ass action/thriller/monster movie has the most incredible freaky monsters ever, with an additionally creepy Carpenter commentary on the state of the country. Also you know Shepard Fairey’s “OBEY Propaganda” line? Originated from this movie. BOOM HISTORY MADE.

Day 6:

You’re Next (2013, dir. Adam Wingard)

Why this movie: 

Modern day badass Australian chick visits her boyfriend's family and they start getting killed off in their old family house. It’s essentially a great survival story up to par with classic horror but without the horrible 80s hair-dos.

[For my review of this film, click here.]

Day 7:

The Exorcist (1973, dir. William Friedkin)

Why this movie: 

In my opinion, this is the scariest of them all. This is a possession/ghost sort of horror film, and a classic one at that. For it being the oldest on the list, this movie has the most intense special effects. It is also super perfect for couples, because every time someone decides to walk up those stairs, you will need a hand to hold. And then once the credits roll, you two can both celebrate surviving the possession of Linda Blair.

This concludes the introduction to horror and the conception of a long lasting relationship.

And if things don’t work out, maybe you could use some of the skills you’ve learned from these horror films for other things… 

Thanks for reading, everybody! If you have any opinions on these picks and/or how a horror movie has changed your relationship, please sound off in the comments below. I'm sure Shannon will be patrolling the comments section like a mad hound. If any of these films have piqued your interest, I can offer further recommendations. Have a nice day!

Word Count: 1281

Redial

Year: 1997

Director: Wes Craven

Cast: Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette

Run Time: 2 hours

MPAA Rating: R

Alright, let's do this thing. I've been sitting on this post since I watched Scream 2 with Sergio and my family in late 2013. Considering that the film is a great sequel to one of my favorite horror movies, it shouldn't have been too hard to knock out of the park, but guess what? I had to look for jobs. And then I got one, which is not any more conducive to blog writing.

But here we are now and I've settled into a routine and found some time to really get down to business. With the beginning of the semester looming on the horizon, I decided I really should clear my slate once and for all and write up the two reviews I have been lagging behind on. So get ready for some extreme review action with power grip!

Sidebar: I would buy a Neve Campbell action figure.

So Scream happened. Upon its release in 1996, horror culture lit up like a lightning rod. Wes Craven was back in the game, as was the by then defunct slasher format, this time with a postmodern twist. Screenwriter Kevin Williamson catapulted to stardom (he would return flailing to Earth with a dull thud a few short years later, but that's a story for another time) and Hollywood was reeling in the profits.

Hot on the heels of their massive success, Dimension Films quickly commissioned a sequel, to be released a mere 51 weeks later. That might seem unimpressive to people who aren't in the film business, but let me tell you that's like demanding a mother to give birth to a fully grown child in three months. The fact that the film turned out as well as it did is largely due to what must have been some impressive contractual wrangling.

Through some unholy pact with the devil, they managed to get Craven and Williamson to sign on again, as well as stars David Arquette, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, and Jamie Kennedy. And composer Marco Beltrami, whose tremendous influence on the films is rarely appreciated.

While there was little to no buzz during the production of the original film (And why would there be? Nobody had any idea of the massive asteroidal impact it would have on pop culture), Scream 2 had the fan mags flying off the shelves like they were in a Ghostbusters movie and eventually the shooting script was leaked onto the Internet (which was barely even a thing at this point, but people were already learning how to use it to explore new frontiers of douchebaggery). 

Frantic rewrites and constant shifts in the killer's identity during production to avoid another leaked ending left the crew staggering. So when people complain about the final reveal of who is behind the Ghostface mask this time around (which I'll talk about more later in a spoiler-marked zone), just let them know that society didn't earn the original ending. We ruined it for ourselves. Like petulant children. So there.

At this point, I'm surprised it didn't turn out to be Fat Albert under there.

Thanks to Drew Berrymore's career-reviving turn as Casey Becker, every hot young thing in town was clambering to be the next opening victim, but the honor this time around was bestowed on a pre-Will Jada Pinkett and Omar Epps as Maureen and Phil, two college students attending the premiere of the movie Stab, which is a parody of Scream, but in this universe is based on "The Woodsboro Murders," the book Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox) wrote about her experiences in the previous film.

This meta addition to the franchise is one of many, as Scream 2 more thoroughly explores the concepts of not only characters that are aware that they're in a movie, but are aware that somebody is trying to make a sequel and possibly turn it into a franchise. Just as clever and intelligent as the first, this all makes a lot more sense if you're actually watching it, I promise. 

This element is perhaps even better than in the original Scream (although I do have one small complaint about the "copycat sequel" conceit being dropped in the second half, largely - I suspect - due to last minute rewrites), which had fun playing with genre conventions, but didn't quite utilize them to their full capacity, opting instead for more of a whodunit mystery angle. 

Anyway, Maureen and Phil bite it in a scene that is too similar to the opening of He Knows You're Alone to be unaware of its pedigree but different enough that it manages to be a completely unique (and classic) entity. Although it's somewhat disappointing that Ghostface doesn't use a phone to torment his victims in this scene, his puckish glee at dispatching them in the middle of a theater filled with people dressed in masks (to celebrate the opening of the movie) is a worthy substitute.

Is Will Smith a trade-up or a trade-down from Omar Epps? Discuss.

Moving on to the real people - Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is now a theatre major at Windsor College and she's just trying to move on from her tragedy. She's still friends with Randy (Jamie Kennedy), who happens to go to the same college because of course. Remember this is written by the guy who did Dawson's Creek.

She has a new boyfriend Derek (Jerry O'Connell), a pre-med student who's nice enough but much too bland, and a new best friend/roommate in Hallie (Elise Neal), who is notable for being a black character with a prominent role in the proceedings who survives for a massive chunk of the running time and has actual character traits. Yay! Diversity!

Upon the release of Stab, Sidney has been getting prank phone calls from Ghostface imitators, but she doesn't let it phase her. Things get worse when she learns about the deaths of Maureen and Phil, and she begins to fear the same things might be happening again after the death of a sorority girl named Cici (Sarah Michelle Gellar, who is introduced watching Nosferatu on TV and accompanied by a girlish squeal from Yours Truly).

Once the killings start up in earnest, Gale Weathers is back on the scene, sniffing up her scoop like a bloodhound. Also reappearing is Deputy Dewey (David Arquette), who just wants to make sure Sid is OK. But he mostly just scowls at Gale, who gave him a less than manly characterization in her tell-all book. But it's a thin line between love and hate and the two rekindle things as they work together to solve the mystery of the new serial murders.

However, it's also a thin line between mass murderer and boyfriend material so Sidney shuts herself off from the world, suspecting the killer to be somebody she knows. Everybody is a suspect! And the fact that Cotton Weary (Liev Schreiber), the man she wrongfully accused of murder is back and threatening her in order to get an interview and fifteen minutes of fame does little to comfort her.

The fact that she's learned from her experiences in the previous movie are but one of the many reasons that Scream 2 is a great sequel. Taking characters and situations from the original and either deepening them or turning them on their heads, the film is a perfect sequel - expanding greatly on the original story but also maintaining its own unique presence as a great standalone horror comedy.

And I never ever regret any second of any film where David Arquette is onscreen.

Gale's role in the original Woodsboro killings has made her a prime target for the buzzing reporters as they try to dig into the story. A great reversal from the first film, Gale finds herself shadowed by her own annoying reporter, Debbie Salt (Laurie Metcalf), a local woman who never fails to get a rise out of her (and elicit some of the best one-liners from a character with a veritable encyclopedia of bitchy putdowns).

While the comedy and the horror are mostly separate from one another (the former apparent largely in the interactions between Randy, Dewey, and Gale and the latter in the stalking scenes with Sidney), both have their moments in the spotlight with several sidesplitting scenes in the second act and two back-to-back sharply choreographed tension-filled scares in the third. 

And although the middle of the film tends toward the draggy side, the film is bookended with a series of scenes of such caliber that it's an easy fault to ignore.

And the middle does include the tremendously trippy and great "Cassandra" sequence, a holdover from Craven's days as an English professor.

Here's where we enter spoilers territory. If you are of a mind to watch this movie on your own, skip to the picture of Portia de Rossi and her terrible eyebrows. (Yes! Lindsay Bluth is in this movie!)

So. The killers. We had to come to that eventually. Originally, they were scripted to be Hallie and Derek, which would have been tremendously interesting, had the dicks on the Internet not ruined everything for the righteous and pure of heart horror fans that would never have leaked any information about a beloved franchise.

Not that I'm mad or anything.

What we do get is an overwhelmingly confusing reveal. The first killer (of course there's two) turns out to be Mickey (Timothy Olyphant), a character so inconsequential that I didn't even include him in my plot rundown. In fact, my sister didn't even remember him and thought he was Derek for about five minutes of the final scene.

And the other killer is... local reporter Debbie Salt. But she's really Billy Loomis's (the killer from the original) mother, see? In disguise! Get it? I... what? The fact that both of the killers are onscreen for about as long as the crew member who accidentally stuck his butt into one shot in Cici's scene was infuriating to many. I mean, what's the point of a mystery if the perpetrators aren't even guessable characters?

So their identities do kind of suck, but! But! The finale is still sharp and witty, making great use of Sidney's relationship with Billy and ending with some truly fantastic onstage action and zippy one-liners. It all explodes in a geyser of camp and blood and hilarity, much like the original film and loses none of Scream's integrity and engaging power.

So even though the killer's might as well have been two oven mitts, the scene they get is one for the Gods and I personally think that's an even tradeoff. After spending so much time with 80's slashers, I'm just glad that 1) I can see everything that's happening and 2) the reveal is comprehensible if you're not a schizophrenic.

Welcome back, spoilers avoiders! Now you can read on, safe in the knowledge that you won't find out that Portia's eyebrows are the killer until you watch the movie.

This review ended up much longer than I anticipated, so I'm gonna wrap up here before the last of you falls asleep at your keyboards. 

The humor is top notch, the meta is even better (the Stab scenes featuring Heather Graham and Tori Spelling are hysterically terrible), and although none of it is quite as scary as the original film and the middle can be a slog, two showstopping scenes (the girls get in a car crash with Ghostface and Gale is chased through a sound studio) and the bombastic finale make it all worth every penny.

Scream 2 is a worthy sequel despite its production woes and maintains the consistent gold standard quality of Wes Craven's 90's postmodern period. Although the legions of terrible Scream imitations were already saturating the market, this film stood above the current to prove that it could still be done well under a skillful guiding hand.

In conclusion, Portia de Rossi has terrible eyebrows.

Killer: Ghostface (voiced by Roger Jackson)

Final Girl: Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell)

Best Kill: Omar Epps is stabbed in the ear through a bathroom stall.

Sign of the Times: BROWN LIPSTICK; CiCi has one of those see-through phones.

Scariest Moment: Sidney and Hallie have to climb over an unconscious Ghostface in the front seat of a cop car.

Weirdest Moment: Ghostface threatens Sidney via instant messaging.

Champion Dialogue: "Everybody thinks sororities are just about blowjobs, but it's not true."

Body Count: 10

1. Phil is stabbed in the temple through a bathroom stall.
2. Maureen is stabbed to death in a crowded movie theater. 
3. Cici is stabbed and thrown off a balcony.
4. [Randy is stabbed to death and has his throat slit.] 
5. Officer Andrews has his throat slashed with a knife.
6. Officer Richards gets his head impaled by a pipe during a car accident.
7. Hallie is stabbed to death.
8. Derek is shot in the chest.
9. [Mickey is shot 16 times in the chest.]
10. [Mrs. Loomis is shot to death.] 

TL;DR: Scream 2 is a rare sequel that continues the story of the original in a unique and exciting way.

Rating: 9/10

Word Count: 2188

Reviews In This Series

Scream (Craven, 1996)

Scream 2 (Craven, 1997)

Scream 3 (Craven, 2000)

Scream 4 (Craven, 2011)