Songs Of The Wild

Year: 2016
Director: Christophe Lourdelet & Garth Jennings
Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Seth MacFarlane
Run Time: 1 hour 48 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG

The Illumination Entertainment brand kicked off with Despicable Me and never looked back, to the point that it seemed like the company was incapable of creating a movie (or, at least, a good movie) without the involvement of the Minions, the adorable little yellow buffoons that ignited a pandemic among local retail stores and toy boxes. Sing is probably their heartiest bid at creating a new brand yet, what with its Zootopia-esque world of anthropomorphic animals, and it more or less works.

If you can’t make kids enjoy a movie about cartoon animals, I hear they’re hiring at the 7-Eleven.

In the plot of Sing, which was engineered in a laboratory to appeal to the widest demographic possible, cartoon animals are holding a singing competition, performing covers of pop songs. This is a show put on in the Moon Theatre by its owner, the roguish koala Buster Moon (Matthew McConaughey) who just wants to keep the crumbling building (and his dream of owning a theatre) afloat. Due to a typographical error promising $1000,000 in prize money that he doesn’t have, animals throng the theater, excited to participate.

The contestants have all joined for their own reasons: Rosita the Pig (Reese Witherspoon) – who is paired with the shamefully amusing German provocateur Gunter (Nick Kroll) – wants to prove to her lazy husband and 25 kids that she’s more than just a frazzled housewife; Mike the Mouse (Seth MacFarlane) just wants to be rich and spend the money on the closest analogue to drugs this kids’ film can afford; Johnny the Gorilla (Taron Egerton) wants a career path away from his father’s gang and to raise his dad’s bail; Ash the Porcupine (Scarlett Johansson) wants to use the money to build a recording studio for her rocker boyfriend Lance (Beck Bennett); and Meena the elephant (Tori Kelly) – who initially joins as a stagehand – wants to overcome her shyness and share her gift with the world.

They all want the money, but they find that the power of music and dance that unites them is the most precious prize of all.

And I’m uncannily reminded of how great La La Land is in comparison.

Ask yourself one question: Would you enjoy a movie where animals sing songs? There, you have your answer about whether or not you should see Sing. Case closed. It doesn’t hide what it is, and it’s a totally fine bit of disposable entertainment. If you’re looking for a story though, good luck. The contestants are engaging enough, but they’re a rough assemblage of tropes that indicate characters rather than committing to fleshing them out. Look, shortcuts are necessary if you want the last half hour to be a full concert and keep the run time at a length reasonable enough that children’s attention spans don’t explode.

At the very least, there were wacky little quirks tucked into the corners here and there, enough to keep my attention occupied during the story bits. I especially love the score that calls back to 70’s heist movies whenever Buster pulls his Music Man huckster act. And the fact that they dug up the Beatles deep cut “Golden Slumbers” is certainly a boon to getting me on their side. Then Sing goes bananas during the close of the second act, unstoppering a sequence that’s part-Titanic, part-Final Destination, all massively inappropriate for young audiences, but so bizarrely out of place that it’s truly captivating.

Yeah, Sing is survivable if you have kids who want to see it. Those musical numbers are pretty fun. But if you want to watch a world of anthropomorphic animals where they feel truly integrated in with humanoid society, just watch Zootopia. And frankly, the jukebox musical conceit worked much better in last month’s Trolls. But Sing is a solid stab at non-Minion entertainment that gives me more hope than their abortive Secret Life of Pets, and that’s good enough.

It could have used more Minions though.

Of course, Sing is also filled with fart humor and other juvenile attempts at comedy that stomp allover Japanese culture and African-American stereotypes, as well as throwing in a coded gay frog for a joke that blatantly misses the obvious punchline, so it’s double irritating. But whatever, man. We takes what we gets with these guys.

The stars are charming, the pacing never flags, and you don’t feel like you’ve wasted your time when the credits roll. Sometimes that’s the best you can hope for, and you don’t need to dread being dragged to this should the opportunity arise over the holidays. You won’t catch me singing Sing’s praises, but I enjoyed myself.

TL;DR: Sing is a mostly enjoyable bit of silly kiddy fluff.
Rating: 6/10
Word Count: 810

The Chavs And The Chav-Nots

Year: 2015

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Cast: Taron Egerton, Colin Firth, Samuel L. Jackson

Run Time: 2 hours 9 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

Comic book movies are getting stale. Don't get me wrong, I dug Avengers 2 and Guardians of the Galaxy. But let's be honest. Do we need a third Spider-Man reboot? Do we need another sarcastic superhero fighting someone who has developed powers exactly the same but slightly stronger than his? 

Luckily we have Matthew Vaughn. Love him or hate him, he has a talent for making some of the more interesting comic adaptations scattered around the movie landscape. His style is rigorously anti-mainstream, full of blood and guts and a kind of ruthless energy that has been lost amid a litany of Iron Man sequels. But enough about superheroes. Kingsman: The Secret Service is a goddamn spy comic book movie and it is awesome.

And contrary to popular belief, no, it is not a sequel to The King's Speech.

Kingsman tells the story of young Eggsy (Taron Egerton), a thuggish British teen growing up in poverty. His father was a member of a secret spy agency known as the Kingsmen, the modern knights of the round table. When he is referred to this organization via Galahad (Colin Firth), he begins his training with a group of posh candidates who look down on him for his social status.

But when it becomes clear that the American tech mogul Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson) is going to use his ubiquitous technology to cull the Earth's population (ie. all the people not rich or noble enough to "deserve" life) with a frequency that turns people into insatiable, violent rage beasts, Eggsy might just be the only one noble, clever, and strong enough to defeat him.

Only the pure of heart and pure of ab are worthy to wield the sword of the Kingsmen.

The story is very been-there-done-that and Kingsman knows it. Its more meta moments are a bit weak and pandering, but as a pastiche of the greatest spies from James Bond to Jack Bauer, it's aces. It's zanily kinetic, no-holds-barred fun. 

Whether it's a girl with metal legs that can cut through a man like a knife through water, driving backwards through heavy British traffic, or a cavalcade of super cool gadgets (the likes of which have hardly been seen since the early Bond days), Kingsman ups the ante on the typical spy movie clichés, turning up the gas at every turn.

In typical Vaughn fashion, the action is a little more blood-soaked than the typical spy movies, especially those before the glorious rise of the 1980's. But never fear! Though the available grue is more than enough to satisfy the cravings of grotesquely depraved gorehounds like myself, it's also toned down enough to be palatable to all but the weakest stomachs. Basically, if you can handle putting a Hello Kitty Band-Aid on your cut, you can handle this movie. 

...More or less. There is one sequence where even I found the violence to be excessive, actually crossing the line between "over the top" and "maybe we should consider lowering the top." But save for that one slip-up, the violence is nothing less than a comic-fueled bonanza of excruciatingly cool spy combat.

Baby, let your colors burst.

In addition to its exuberant action, the Kingsman has a surprisingly refined funny bone. Samuel L. Jackson is perhaps given the best material (concerning his character's distaste for violence), but Egerton absolutely owns a thuggish role that inhabits a world of unintentional comedy. However, the biggest surprise in the film is Colin Firth, who displays a side of himself that's never been seen before, shifting effortlessly between being perilously genteel and a hard-edged lightning bolt.

Underneath it all, Kingsman  even has something to say! I mean, how lucky are we? Like a disconcerting amount of 2015 films, its main villain makes a convincing argument on the back of the devastation of global warming, and the bulk of the story addresses the indecent class disparity that affects everyone in our society, whether we like it or not. 

The Kingsmen is an organization with noble blood, purportedly seeking to preserve the safety of the people. But the fact remains that these supposed knights balk when it is suggested that a commoner join their team. In its way, Kingsman shows that an endless search for money and status makes us fallible, no matter how noble our goals. I shan't go into too much detail on this, for fear of spoiling the third act, but rest assured that Kingsman is highly politicized, and whether you agree with it or not, it's reassuring to see genre filmmaking returning to a place of intelligence and promoting conversation.

Just look at the class disparity! Colin Firth can't even afford a dope-ass hat.

That said, Kingsman is not perfect. For one, its approach to women tries hard not to be demeaning, but only occasionally succeeds. Two strong female characters become warped and twisted beyond hope: one is shuttled off to the side to flail meaningfully but uselessly on the sidelines, and the other is turned into a twisted gorgon, a hyperbolically sexual stereotype that is just plain embarrassing no matter what side of the glass ceiling you're on.

And I prefer to be on this side, thank you very much.

But all in all, Kingsman: The Secret Service is just plain fun. With the perfect cast, a manically charming director, and a great deal of high-octane action stuffed in to taste, it's a thrilling romp through the spy genre from a modern perspective. Go seek it out if you haven't yet. Not all February releases are crap, as it turns out.

TL;DR: Kingsman: The Secret Service is a thrilling and clever modern spin on the classic spy adventure genre.
Rating: 8/10
Word Count: 972