Shannon Speaks: Cinema du Weird

Having bored friends is great for providing content. Today my good friend Shannon returns after the glowing success of her first Popcorn Culture feature with a piece about weirdness on film.

Let’s be honest: most people value their time and decide to spend it only watching fun, entertaining, insightful films. And then there’s Brennan, who gets an equal kick out of wasting, I mean investing, his time in any movie, almost purposefully being drawn to especially bad ones. I mentioned in my last submission to Brennan’s glorious blog that Brennan and I have watched some pretty strange movies together… some of which were his fault and some of which were not. Still, I thought that I should write another post and this time feature some of these movies that put the horrible in horror. Here are the five weirdest movies I have ever watched with Brennan, enjoy!

[EN: I do not endorse that ALL of these movies are horrible. Disclaimer: The opinions represented in this post do not necessarily reflect those of the blog author.]

The Five Weirdest Movies Brennan Has Made Me Watch

#5 Pieces (1982, dir. Juan Picquer Simón)

Brennan is always better at explaining this than I am, but essentially this movie is the Tacatá of movies, because like the club hit (and one of Brennan's and my favorite jams), it is a movie performed in one language but made by men from a different country who really have no need or business making a movie in a different, non-native language. It would be like if Brennan and I deciding to accomplish both our film homework and our Spanish homework in one project. Basically, it just sucks. So the dialogue in this movie is horrible, or amazing, depending on how you look at it.

[EN: Amazing is how I look at it. Pieces is one of the more electrifying bad movies with gonzo performances and a bonkers final shot. You can look forward to seeing it soon in Census Bloodbath!]

#4 Suspiria (1977, dir. Dario Argento)

Brennan and I watched this when I arrived home after a weekend Ultimate Frisbee tournament, and I was spent. So naturally I fell dead asleep in the middle of this horror classic. But even the fifteen minutes (give or take) that I saw of the movie was enough to dub this one of the weirdest movies. All I remember is ballet, (which is weird enough) and a girl getting thrown out of a window into a room full of needles. Why does a ballet academy have a room chock-full of needles? I would find that kind of need-less, wouldn’t you? (har har). But then again, when you have a ballet studio run by witches, I feel like needles would be the least of their worries.

[EN: Oh Shannon, your puns are worse than my dad's. This is the one film on this list that I view as an artistic masterwork. You can check out my review here.]

#3 The Wizard of Gore (1970, dir. Herschell Gordon Lewis)

I was really excited to see this movie! Brennan got it off of Netflix as a gift watch for me because he knew that I love the 2009 indie hit Juno, in which the main characters have a rather heated discussion comparing Dario Argento movies (Suspiria, see above) to Herschel Gordon Lewis movies, specifically The Wizard of Gore. As it was said in Juno, The Wizard of Gore did indeed have “buckets of goo.” However, it also had a thin plot and lots of loooooooong monologues by the Wizard himself. Instead of a heart, or a brain, or courage, this Wizard only awarded major gaping saw wounds in his “volunteers.” The adaptation is equally weird, but I think more entertaining, and not as slow.

[EN: You're welcome Shannon for showing you all the Juno films. Check out my review of Wizard of Gore here and its remake here.]

#2 Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966, dir. Harold P. Warren)

The camera could only take 27 seconds of film at a time. That should be enough to put this on the list, but you may as well add the overall weirdness of the plot and the strange Dracula-esque dude who collects wives like polygamy was going out of style. The ending of Manos is unfortunately amazing, which makes me kind of sad that I put this on the list, but then again this movie is indeed really freaking weird, so here it will stay.

[EN: Not for nothing is Manos the most popular episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you don't know what that show is, click here and thank me later.]

#1 Bubba Ho-Tep (2002, dir. Don Coscarelli)

Elvis is alive. John F. Kennedy was turned black by the government in an effort to keep him protected from another assassination attempt. They are room neighbors in a nursing home, where a cursed bug thing is killing old people. All of that was fine, but the fact that Bubba (Elvis) talked about how sad he was that his *ahem* “richard” no longer worked and was rather graphic in describing what was wrong with it just made the rest of the movie abhorrent. I DETEST THIS STUPID MOVIE. I WANT THOSE TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE BACK.

[EN: I would like to add that, in addition to the attention lavished upon Elvis' dick, a campy premise is played absolutely straight in the most stultifying manner possible. But Roger Ebert loved it so what do I know? Check out my review here.]

BONUS: Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild! (2008, dir. Todd Stephens)

Brennan and I, in our first semester of college, got really into the American Pie series, binge-watching them all. After we finished the very heterosexual American Pies, we decided to compare it to the gay parody series called Another Gay Movie. The first movie was okay, making cheap jokes at the stereotypes of gay males and even the one lesbian in the film, but overall it was ridiculous and still fun. However, Brennan and I popped in the sequel to the already bad movie and watched it for less than five minutes before taking it out of the DVD player.

It just couldn’t be done. Keep in mind that Brennan and I sat through all the horrible movies listed above and pretty much enjoyed them (other than Bubba Ho-Tep), so the context should speak volumes about how gosh-darn horrible Another Gay Sequel was. You want a real, terrifying horror? Think about the fact that some people actually were able to sit through the entire movie. Now that’s scary.

[EN: There is no scientific evidence available that anybody has seen this film through to completion, not even the filmmakers. It might even close with 45 minutes of blackness. The world will never know.]

Fin!
Word Count: 1140

Because of the Terrible Things He Does

Year: 1970

Director: Herschell Gordon Lewis

Cast: Ray Sager, Judy Cler, Wayne Ratay

Run Time: 1 hour 35 minutes

MPAA Rating: NR

If you're anything like me or Shannon, you know the scene. Juno. Jason Bateman and Ellen Page sitting together on a couch, discussing the auters of the 70's gore scene. While Bateman prefers the red-blooded American splatter filmmaker Herschell Gordon Lewis, Page posits that Italian giallo maestro Dario Argento is the ultimate master of horror.

They sit down to watch HGL's Wizard of Gore (which Bateman states is "better than Suspiria") and resume their creepy age-inappropriate flirting.

Insert Arrested Development joke here.

First things first. The Wizard of Gore is in no way better than Suspiria, an out and out masterpiece of gore cinema. Score one for Juno. We can say this with some authority, seeing as I've forced Shannon to watch both of them. However, WoG is a delightfully straightforward splatter picture that benefits greatly from sitting back and letting the audience bask in the atmosphere of the 70's without having to worry about any cumbersome distractions like plot or momentum.

The film centers around the magic act of one Montag the Magnificent (Ray Sager, who not only was a victim in Prom Night IV: Deliver Us From Evil but produced Prom Nights II, III, and IV! I love this guy.), who hams it up, delivering a scenery-chewing monologue about the nature of Reality and Dreams (WHAT. IS. REAL? he screams) before he performs such standard and hackneyed tricks as the Vanishing Water and Sawing the Lady In Half.

Yawn.

An onstage explosion of gore, followed by the whole and healthy volunteer rising from the table to take her bow shocks and delights audiences, including young Sherry Carson (Judy Cler), an anchor for her college news station. She gives the show a rave review and drags her boyfriend Jack (Wayne Ratay, who gets to take his shirt off in quite a few scenes, so you'd better relish that - this is his only film role) back the next night to try to score an interview with Montag himself.

He refuses to give interviews but he does agree to go on her show to perform one of his Illusions (and now we understand why Bateman loves this film - it reminds him of his brother Gob) at the end of the week. Unfortunately, the volunteer from last night has just turned up dead - cut in half by some psychopath by the looks of it.

When that night's volunteer (who gets a railroad spike poked through her skull) is also killed in a manner mirroring the performance, Jack starts to get suspicious. The movie that follows is essentially four cycles of Montag Performs Gory Magic Trick - Woman Ends Up Dead - Jack Gets Increasingly Grumpy About This.

Simplicity itself.

Gordon Lewis is nothing short of genius in his approach to the material. Because the gore is what matters, isn't it? This simple and clean storytelling structure allows it to remain front and center for as long as possible, augmented by scores and scores of repeat shots from different angles that do double duty, emphasizing the dreamlike qualities of the illusions (it is heavily implied that Montag hypnotizes both the audience and his victims) and allowing us to see as many shots of Montag pawing through human viscera for as long as possible.

He's like a sixth grader dissecting his first frog.

The sheer amount of times the same action is repeated in a multitude of slightly different ways says a lot about the filmmakers and the genre. They spent all their money on this big gore setpiece so they're sure as hell gonna make sure you appreciate it in all its glory. Honestly, the gore effects themselves aren't good at all, but the wicked glee with which Herschell and Montag display it makes all the difference. The hyper low budget prevents it from getting too realistic and the sleazeball lust for blood is charming in its very specific way.

And there's just something about 70's blood that you couldn't got from any other era. It's so thick and creamy, a look totally divorced from reality that instead of taking you out of the movie, draws you implacably further under its spell.

The Wizard of Gore doesn't have more to offer than this, so if you're not the type of person who can stomach the sight of a woman's torso being mashed with a punch press, maybe you should stay at home and watch Mary Tyler Moore instead.

Although I don't see how this is all that different.

Despite its flimsy plot, The Wizard of Gore magically remains as far from boring as a movie so repetitive and structured could possibly be with its Grand Guignol approach to human butchery, the Vincent Pricey hamming of Sager, who mugs to the camera like there's no tomorrow, and Gordon Lewis' obvious passion for his lowbrow and sleazy subject matter.

Endlessly diverting, even considering the toll time has taken on the effects, The Wizard of Gore is a pure representation of what the splatter genre was, a textbook example of how 70's horror films appeased the brutal animal instincts of an increasingly nihilistic young audience.

Cinematic violence could never hold a candle to what was going on in the world. These films allowed viewers some measure of control over their base urges, and that catharsis carried over into their daily lives. When Montag sifts through another victim's innards, it's not an expression of cruelty but an extension of the innate stirrings of a society unimpressed with the world around them.

They went to the movies for destruction because that's the only thing that they believed in. It's no coincidence that the most successful movies of the decade were mirthless violent spectacles like Alien, Bonnie and Clyde, The Godfather, The Exorcist, A Clockwork Orange, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and so many more that it would take a whole separate article just to list them.

The dreamlike state Montag's audience enters is not far from the reaction of the home audience who lusted for blood because what else was left? The cinema took care of them, allowing them temporary autonomy over their actions and their lives.

What is real?

TL;DR: The Wizard of Gore is a tawdry and cheesy but immensely engaging gore picture.

Rating: 6/10

Word Count: 1066

Reviews In This Series

The Wizard of Gore (Gordon Lewis, 1970)

The Wizard of Gore (Kasten, 2007)