My Boyfriend's Back

I'm looking into encouraging a lot more people to write - it's just such an incredibly fun experience that nobody seems to get anymore. So, inspired by last week's appearance by my friend Shannon on the pages of this blog, I encouraged my wonderful boyfriend Sergio to submit an article. It has been a running theme on this blog that our tastes are very different and I wanted him to argue for his side of things. He asked me to stick in an editorial here and there so everyone can see how much better his taste is than my own. Enjoy!

It was a fine Spring day when I met Brennan Matthew Klein on the banks of the Mississippi River. He was preparing to board a ferry boat that would take him west toward the Appalachian Trail, where he would begin his journey across all fifty states that would make or break his writing career. I’m of course only fooling, I met Brennan when he (rudely and unapologetically) bumped his chair into me at school, on January 29, 2014. I had no idea when I met this spritely young Irish/German/French lad that I would eventually sign on to what has been the best relationship of my young adult life. Sappiness aside, the boy has a thing for talking pictures and has made me watch my fair share of them since our first date.

[EN: For the record I was not rude OR unapologetic and he immediately ran away.]

Unfortunately for Brennan, he has a VERY specific taste for his idea of a good movie. As you may have already noticed, he loves Horror, which has been the bulk of his reviews thus far. Luckily, I have found ways to convince him to watch movies from other genres and, as a result, add diversity to his bland, blood-soaked palette. Under my tutelage and the use of various weights keeping him tethered to the ground, he has seen quite a few of my ‘indie dramas with strong female leads,’ as he affectionately describes them.

Thanks to his dear friend Shannon, who wrote a lovely piece on date nights and horror flicks, he asked me to compile a list of some of my films to showcase on his blog. Because not all of my suggestions fall under his label, I have dubbed this post "Nine Films for Nine Nonconsecutive Dates". 

Enjoy, Brenbots!

Nine Films for Nine Nonconsecutive Dates

#1 Ghost Town (2008, David Koepp)

With a budget of about $20 million I know this is not by any means an independent film, but with a box office of only $27 million, its net revenue qualifies it as such.

[EN: Sergio, your Econ major is showing.]

Ghost Town is a movie that follows the life of a dentist, Bertram Pincus (Ricky Gervais) who suddenly finds himself with the ability to see dead people. Upon his travels with the newly deceased, he runs into the ghost of a schmuck businessman, Frank Herlihy (Greg Kinnear) who wants him to interfere with his wife’s (Tea Loni) new relationship. With a runtime of 102 minutes, the movie is a great way to spend an afternoon laughing at Gervais shtick or the comedic stylings of Kristin Wiig, who shines in her small but laugh-packed role. The movie is a heartwarming comedy that can move even the most bloodthirsty horror fanatics to tears (that’s right, Brennan cried) and for five dollars on Amazon, it is most definitely a great buy.

[EN: The movies I decided to watch on our very first "stay in" date were Ghost Town, [REC], and The Devil Wears Prada so don't say I don't have diversity in my tastes. Ghost Town is one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. And I'm not ashamed to admit it made me cry. Very few films can accomplish this, but Ghost Town and The Sixth Sense are two of them. Don't look at me like that. Also, yes that is a young Aaron Tveit in that screencap. Meow.]

#2 Winter’s Bone (2010, Debra Granik)

The film that launched Jennifer Lawrence’s career into the stratosphere features her as Ree Dolly, a girl who is responsible for her younger siblings and invalid mother in the Ozark Mountains of Missouri. The film starts off slowly, painting a picture of an average day in the life of Ree and her family, but picks up running when Ree finds out that her father has skipped town and posted their family home as collateral for his bail. Ree knows the types of unsavory characters that her father (and extended family) associated with and begins her trek to try and find him. Besides the fact that she is eventually joined by  her uncle played by John Hawkes, that is as much as I will give away about this movie. My only criticism of the film is that there are far too many blue tones. I get it, Missouri sucks.

[EN: This is the one film that Sergio has suggested to me so far that I just can't get into in any way. It's a lovely-looking piece, but I never connected with Ree's journey. I prefer my characters with more personal agency, but I know I'm in the minority with not being a fan of this film. You can read my review here.]

#3 A Single Man (2009, Tom Ford)

Tom Ford’s only movie to date is a little gem that packs great performances by its all star cast. Colin Firth, Julianne Moore, Nicholas Hoult, Matthew Goode are featured, and even Lee Pace makes a cameo discussing bomb shelters and setting the mood that is the Cold War era of the early 1960’s.

Ford adapted the film from the novel of the same name by Christopher Isherwood and follows Firth’s character as he attempts to move past the loss of his partner (Matthew Goode). Though not necessarily somber, A Single Man depicts life as a gay male in the sixties as a less than ideal situation. In one scene, an uncreditided Jon Hamm has just delivered the news that Firth’s partner died in a car wreck, and that Firth would be an unwelcome funeral guest due to his being Goode’s Partner. This movie is anything but subtle and in the era of Mad Men it is a welcome addition, adding more emotion in a single still than January Jones' entire performance of Betty Draper.

[EN: I was mystified by the film's ending, but impressed with its un-self conscious and bold aesthetic. You can read my review here.]

#4 An Education (2009, Lone Scherfig)

Carey Mulligan plays a precocious high school senior (or the British equivalent) who is planning on attending Oxford in the fall. She asks herself the sort of questions that all young adults ask themselves at some point or another. Why am I doing what my parents tell me? What is the end goal of all this intense studying? I’m a female in the sixties (yes another one, I’m sorry), my only job opportunities are becoming a teacher or a secretary, why even bother? Ok, that last one is a question that thankfully today’s female youth does not have to ask themselves, but the theme of being young, foolish, and reckless is one that is any young college kid can relate to.

[EN: I honestly have never seen this one and, as such, can have no opinion. Especially considering the fact that I definitely thought this was a Holocaust movie, which it doesn't seem to be.]

#5 Doubt (2008, John Patrick Shanley)

Never have I ever been more afraid of nuns than when Meryl Streep played Sister Aloyisious, a nun who runs her parish with an iron fist. The movie begins with the suspicion that a priest (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) has been more than friendly with one of the students at the Catholic school. Streep is a nun, and like all nuns she answers to the priests of the Parish and must find a way to remove the student from the watchful eye of the priest without ‘stepping out of line’. Featuring additional performances by Amy Adams and Viola Davis, the movie leaves you guessing as to who you hate more: Meryl Streep for ruining a man’s career without a shred of proof, Hoffman who is the potential pedophile in question, or Davis for essentially being a mother who is willing to sacrifice her child’s innocence if it means he advances academically. I left Amy Adams out because no one can hate Princess Gisele.

I warn you that this movie is not for everyone. Described as “Streep porn,” if you found yourself in the audience that disliked August: Osage County, then I suggest you go another route and watch The Exorcist. It has nuns and guts, what’s not to like about that?

[EN: Ah, the first time I can chime in seeming like an expert. Unfortunately The Exorcist has neither nuns nor guts, but it does have doubt, a priest, and the unparalleled exorcism scene that you've seen poorly recreated in (insert modern possession movie here), so I highly recommend it. You can expect a review of Doubt coming soon, as Sergio is sending in a high pressure front to convince me to watch it.]

#6 Weekend (2011, Andrew Haigh)

Writer/Director Andrew Haigh hit a homerun when he released this earnest yet gritty gay indie film. What makes this film special in the world of LGBTQIA cinema (I’m sure there are more letters but I’m just not that progressive), is that at its core, the movie is a love story where the main characters happen to be gay. That’s it. There is no gripping coming out process, no ‘woe is me’ attitude, just two men with fantastic facial hair who fall in love in the course of a weekend. I will warn you that the film features graphic sex scenes between newcomers Chris New and Tom Cullen, but if you’ve seen Game of Thrones or Orange is The New Black, then you have been adequately prepared for the beauty that is man-on-man sex.

[EN: Weekend was a great film! I watched it over a year ago with our guest star, so its unfortunately outside the scope of this blog until I watch it again and have it fresh in my mind, but I agree with Sergio and highly recommend it. It's like a gay Once without the music.]

#7 Insidious (2010, James Wan)

Fun fact: This is the first horror film that I showed Brennan. He, of course, had many things to say about everything and I of course adore him for his criticism of James Wan.

With a budget of only 1.5 million dollars, the movie manages to pull off scary while avoiding cheesy… mostly. The film follows the ruggedly handsome family guy Patrick Wilson and his beautiful wife Rose Byrne as they settle into their new home with their average looking kids when things start to go awry. According to Mr. Klein, P.I. (Paranormal Investigator) the film follows in the footsteps of Poltergeist and The Exorcist, but I find it delightful just the same. Whatever your take on his filmmaking, Wan provides you with a cheaply made movie that will sustain your interest far more than the Michael Bay’s Robots Do Things.

[EN: I'm so lucky Sergio liked horror films before I met him. He's obviously more low key than Yours Truly, but I'm grateful for his contributions. And he's right. Insidious is an immensely derivative haunted house film - much like Wan's 2013 effort The Conjuring - but like The Conjuring, is a terrific example of the classic form utilizing its influences to elevate the material. And it's one of the scariest horror films rated PG-13 you'll find this side of 1960. You can read my review here.]

#8 In a World... (2013, Lake Bell)

A film that Brennan begged and pleaded to go see last year, this is a gem of a film featuring the crowd-pleasing Lake Bell who starred, wrote, and directed the entire production. In a World... follows Bell as she attempts to break into the voice-over world, which is primarily dominated by men. It’s a quirky feminist comedy that delivers a breath of fresh air into a room of old man dank. There are multiple definitions for the word ‘dank’ and this one encompasses them all, that’s just how smelly that room is. It might be too late to catch this movie on RedBox but you always find it On Demand or borrow it from Brennan. He will be only too happy to spend hours discussing it with you and what a fool (with your pants on the ground) you are for having waited so long to see it. You have been warned.

[EN: For the record, you are not a fool, but you do need to see this movie. It's my number 3 film of 2013 and a delightful comedy that I can rewatch endlessly. You can read my glowing review here.]

#9 Paranormal Activity (2007, Oren Peli)

This one is purely for Brennan. I hated it, but it is an independent film where the main actress kills everyone and if that doesn’t qualify it as an ‘indie film with a strong female lead’ than I don’t know what does.

[EN: I'm a big fan of the franchise despite my immense (and supported) hatred for PA4 and my intense (and divisive) dislike for PA3. I'll have to do a retrospective of the original trilogy soon. Let me know if that sounds like something you'd be into.]

That's it. I'm done. I hope that you found I have convinced you better than I have convinced Brennan to try out new movies. This has been a blog post by me, Shawn Ashmore. Hah, Brennan wishes.

[EN: What? Shawn Ashmore? Wherever would anybody get that idea? Clap clap for Sergio. Thank you for your contribution! So everyone? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Do you think I'm a fool for ignoring Meryl Streep's expanded filmography? Please let us know in the comments!]
Word Count: 2346

Fright Flashback: Do You Saw What I Saw?

Welcome to Fright Flashback, where every week until the end of summer we will revisit an older horror film that is in some way a spiritual precursor to an upcoming new release. This week we are anticipating The Purge: Anarchy, a sequel which promises to expand the universe of the small scope / low budget original in the hopes of transforming it into a franchise. In celebration, today's review is Saw II, a 2005 sequel which accomplished exactly that.

Year: 2005

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman

Cast: Donnie Wahlberg, Beverley Mitchell, Franky G

Run Time: 1 hour 33 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

I've gotta say, binge-watching a long gone film franchise without any real foreknowledge of its contents is a magical experience. I'm a big fan of watching a prominent franchise derail itself (as such, I am the only human in recorded history who enjoyed Paranormal Activity 4 on any level), so I'm excited to get through all the Saw films, but so far I've been enjoying myself immensely in a mostly positive manner.

When Lionsgate released James Wan's Saw upon America in 2004, nobody was expecting the one million dollar film to gross a staggering 55 times its budget in domestic sales alone. As any self-respecting production company would do, they upped the budget to four million (still keeping it relatively low - that kind of profit margin doesn't just roll around every day) and rolled out a bigger and badder sequel in the hopes that the fans would just keep pouring money down the chute.

Evidently it worked, because Saw II made 40 million more than Saw's already astronomical box office, kicking off a yearly tradition that would continue on until Saw 3D, the seventh and, as of the time of this writing, final film in the series. I'll be able to have more insight once I reach the end of this marathon, but something tells me that this is one franchise that can't be called extinct yet, merely dormant. 

We in the horror community know that the word "Final" is about as reliable as an airport ETA, and this franchise was still a wishing well of cash by the time it was canned, the last entry having made roughly the cost of Donald Trump's bathroom. But it's been nothing but radio silence for four years. I'm sure Lionsgate is waiting in the shadows, cooking up something dastardly.

I hope to Jigsaw it's not a remake.

Now, it is typical for sequels to popular films to attempt to do the exact same thing... only bigger. This film is no different. In fact it's a dictionary example of the form. Saw II features four times the amount of victims, eight times the locations, and an insurmountably high number times the embarrassingly wooden lines of dialogue. This was in large part thanks to Leigh Whannell's continuation of the script without the guiding presence of frequent collaborator James Wan, but more on that later.

For now, the traps. I would say "plot", but this is a Saw movie. Let's not put on airs. I don't need to be distracted while attempting to reduce this enormously convoluted plot to a bare bones summary. Alright. It's go time. Detective Eric Mathews (Donnie Wahlberg) is a corrupt cop who's estranged from his wife and son because he slept with Allison (Dina Meyer, one of three returning cast members), one of his coworkers and an expert on the Jigsaw case.

He's finally cornered Jigsaw (the indispensible Tobin Bell) in an abandoned steel factory with the help of a SWAT team. Just as everything is going well, they discover a set of monitors watching over the serial killer's newest morality trap. While the police hurry to trace the source of the video, the eight victims must work together to find a way out lest the poison gas being pumped into the house they're in rip them apart from the inside.

These victims are numerous, but only a few are important. There's Amanda (Shawnee Smith), the only woman to have previously survived a Jigsaw game; Daniel (Erik Knudsen), Detective Wahlberg's son; and Xavier (Franky G) a macho and violent drug dealer who puts himself above all others. Jigsaw gives these eight people a tape recorder and several clues toward assuring their survival, some hideously obvious yet ignored by the victims at large, and some staggeringly perplexing that the characters seem to have no problem with.

Saw's internal logic is as free-flowing as the blood.

The rapidly diminishing victims explore the house and find a series of new traps and games that push the limits of their humanity, either to find an exit or to obtain antidotes to the poison coursing through their veins. It was immediately obvious that Saw II would be bloodier than its predecessor, and while the gore is still more subdued than the implications (no studio would want to scare off audiences by being too brutal - gorehounds are abundant, but absolutely a minority), there are plenty of cringe moments, especially those revolving around the ever-present hypodermic needles that contain the medicine.

The traps are still pretty compelling this time around, not yet devolving into the more indecent realms of "torture porn." Oh, it could certainly be considered a member of the genre but at least the gore is servicing a sort of intensity and sense of purpose, raising the stakes of the situation and providing character momentum. Something tells me that those elements will vanish with Whannell, daft screenwriter though he may be (at least at this point in his career).

Sorry man, I liked Insidious.

The greatest flaws of Saw II can be traced back to the script, although the acting is just as terrible as always (except Tobin Bell, the film's saving grace as a defeated and angry cancer patient, a role much expanded from his original purpose as a crackerjack twist ending). Eric has a flashback to something that happened mere minutes before, Jigsaw's plot this time around involves a Joker-esque level of pre-planning and psychic abilities, and there are too many characters this time around to provide an adequate backstory for any of them.

This film is full of potential energy. You can feel a rich story pulsing beneath the surface (one that is hopefully expanded upon in the increasingly intricate network of sequels), but barely any of it comes out on screen. This is likely because the script itself is adapted from an entirely different story written by Darren Lynn Bousman years before and spruced up with Sawisms by Whannell. The resulting film is a Frankenstein monster of sawed-off backstory and dialogue that could build an ark.

I'm saying it's wooden, is what I'm saying.

But despite all its flaws (many of which it shares with the film that came before - so maybe this can just be considered a hallmark of the franchise) and some of the later twists and turns that kept me up at night poking at plotholes and worrying about the inconsistent MO of a fictional serial killer, it's all part of the ride. Saw II is a roller coaster, a gory, tense and cool film that drags you along with it for the entirety of the run time, only exposing its flaws after you've had a chance to sit down afterward and reflect.

Any dead space in the film would have allowed that moment of realization to come much earlier, so it's a great compliment to say that it has no such moment. And even in the wake of the closing credits, realizing its flaws doesn't ruin the film, it merely knocks it down a couple of notches. Saw II is still a great, fun sequel maintaining the themes established by the first Saw and opening up a universe of possibilities for the next.

TL;DR: Saw II is a good and entertaining sequel, but it falls apart at the script level.

Rating: 6/10

Word Count: 1317

Reviews In This Series

Saw (Wan, 2004)
Saw II (Bousman, 2005)

Saw III (Bousman, 2006)

Saw IV (Bousman, 2007)

Saw V (Hackl, 2008)

Saw VI (Greutert, 2009)

Saw: The Final Chapter (Greutert, 2010)

Once More

Year: 2014

Director: John Carney

Cast: Keira Knightley, Mark Ruffalo, Adam Levine

Run Time: 1 hour 44 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

In 2006, the indie Irish production Once burst onto the scene, dazzling critics with its meandering not-quite-romance between two Dublin-based musicians. In 2014, that same director tried his hand at the indie rock sort of musical genre once more with the aptly named Begin Again. It's much less esoteric than Once, which will certainly enrage many fans, but places it more firmly in my wheelhouse.

As much good as Once does in reinvigorating the movie musical and telling a unique love story without all that pesky romance, it really does rely entirely upon people standing around playing music. It worked magic with the budget that was available to the filmmakers, but as a narrative it was severely lacking in many regards.

This new film is far from perfect, but it manages to translate Once into the modern age and marry it to a story that, while full of stock situations and characters, manages to feel lively and brisk rather than full of dead space. The songs aren't quite as revelatory and that might bring the energy down from time to time, but there's enough going on around the music that Begin Again doesn't bore.

I could never be bored with a movie featuring both Adam Levine and beards.

So, how about this "plot" thing I've been hearing so much about? Gretta (Keira Knightley) is a young songwriter who recently broke up with her musician boyfriend Dave (Adam Levine) after he gets a record deal, some bigger britches, and a sexy mistress of his very own. Dan (Mark Ruffalo) is a down-on-his-luck record producer and Deadbeat Alcoholic Dad™ complete with an estranged wife (Catherine Keener) and daughter (Hailee Steinfeld) expansion pack.

It's a match made in movie heaven when the two meet at an open mic night at a local New York bar. Although Dan is on the outs at his company, he and Gretta set out to record an album live in places around the city and change the face of the music industry. You know, like they did in that one Glee episode where Santana and Mercedes sing in a dingy basement? Exactly like that.

Whatever, nobody's watching Glee. I'm not even  technically watching it. I merely ran afoul of a cursed karaoke machine a while back and am doomed to view it weekly until its finale.

Ah, the bliss of the ignorant.

One of the most interesting things about Begin Again is how seamlessly it integrates modern technology (see: Apple) into the narrative. Rather than clumsily inlaying texts over the screen like The Fault in Our Stars or Non-Stop (thank you for the tip-off, Hunter), the film merely includes the use of technology as an organic way of interacting with other people in the modern world.

In one especially indicative scene, Gretta uses a handheld video on her iPhone to initiate a flashback sequence. The way she mugs to the camera with the phone itself is obviously crass product placement (although in the wake of Transformers: Age of Extinction, they could have decorated the entire apartment with iPads and still seemed like a subtle complement in comparison), but the narrative function it serves is a terrific step in the ongoing synthesis of narrative storytelling and modern communications.

And the visual style, while still considerably routine and average, is miles ahead of the freshman Once, especially in an early scene with an invisible orchestra. This scene does everything Smash did with sledgehammer blows and turns it on its ear with elegant beauty. This was the single most valuable point that got me on the movie's side in the early going.

It's like ice cream for the eyes.

Now, Mark Ruffalo has been tearing it up in the notices lately thanks to The Normal Heart (thank you, Normal Heart), and he does fine here, but he's consistently outshined by Keira Knightley. Where Ruffalo merely does his Ruffalo thing (which is, on average, outstandingly higher than, say, the Keanu thing), Knightley is turning in her best performance in years, forging a quick chemistry with a wide array of actors like Ruffalo, silver screen newcomer Adam Levine, accomplished neophyte Hailee Steinfeld, and Cee Lo Green (All that's missing is Aguilera and we'd have a full-on The Voice reunion.)

Let's put a pin in that for a second because Cee Lo Green provides some of the most hilarious unintentional comedy I've seen this side of Troll 2. He's only in about one and a half scenes, but those appearances provide about one-third of the cuts in the movie. He's only ever onscreen for a consecutive three seconds or so before they cut to a different angle or something else entirely.

Now keep in mind that this is just conjecture, but the only possible explanation is that the man gave a performance so epically terrible that his lines had to be salvaged in small chunks haphazardly pasted together in order to seem like he accomplished anything even close to "acting." He is frequently overdubbed on other shots or has lines tossed in from the back of his head. In the scenes that show his face, he seems addled and unsure, which is compounded by the sheer mass of takes it must have required to get so much coverage. 

Hats off to editor Andrew Marcus, who is on my short list for an Oscar nomination due to his Herculean efforts to composite this footage into something that resembles a "scene" without having to squint one's eyes. But enough about the poor promotional tie-in man. Knightley is transcendent (and she'd have to be to have chemistry with the anthropomorphic wood block that is Ceel Lo Green), and she's not a half bad singer to boot.

And an even better leaner.

Thanks to Knightley and Ruffalo's chemistry and Carney's able direction, Begin Again is a delightful indie musical film. It's not my genre, so I doubt I'll ever have the inclination to revisit it, but it's certainly worth a watch.

TL;DR: Begin Again is a decently solid effort bolstered by a terrific performance from Keira Knightley.
Rating: 8/10
Should I Spend Money On This? Well, I'd certainly have you spend it on this rather than Transformers, Tammy, or Echo.
Word Count: 1055

Census Bloodbath: 1980 Post Mortem

UPDATE 4/21/2022: I have since viewed an additional 6 films from 1980 that escaped my initial round of research. The body count numbers have been updated to reflect this. 

Wow, you guys. I am so excited that my first year of Census Bloodbath is finished. It's been a very long and very strange journey through a heckton of crap and now I get to do my favorite things in the world. Compiling information and sharing recommendations and LISTS. I love lists.

So far in this feature I have reviewed 45 slasher movies, 25 of which came from the first year of their Golden Age, 1980. As far as I can tell, I have seen every single slasher film released in 1980 bar none. Now inevitably in cinematic history (especially in horror) some ultra obscure little B flick will come bobbing up out of the swamp water to disappoint the completist in me, but as of today, July 11th 2014, this is every slasher film that I have been made aware of after hours of exhaustive research into the genre.

I'm just gonna go ahead and say I've seen all of them. Yay me.

Now I'm gonna stop yapping like an idiot and dive straight into the meat of things.

1980: Post Mortem

1980 was the year the slasher film began in earnest. After the massive success of 1978's Halloween, the subgenre was finally starting to coalesce into a coherent structural form. Because everything was still new and exciting, the formula and the rules hadn't been totally established at this point so legions of disparate filmmakers weren't yet ripping off each other, all coming to the genre through their own means, usually through the entry point of ripping off Halloween (He Knows You're Alone, Friday the 13th, Prom Night) or Psycho (Silent Scream, Funeral Home), some springing forth as a natural progression of the grindhouse movement (Don't Answer the Phone, Don't Go in the House).

Although there are several sterling examples of the genre to come out of 1980, the film that really made a splash was Sean S. Cunningham's Friday the 13th, which brought Italian style gore to the American screen in a visceral way. Gore maestro Tom Savini would do much to pave the way for horror in the 80's (and in fact had already began on that path with 1978's Dawn of the Dead) but his watermark year was certainly this one - in which he turned stomachs again and again, first as Friday barreled through theaters, then toward the end of the year with the ugly and visceral Maniac.

During this year the genre was still gaining traction and getting on its feet, so the gory offerings were much less plentiful than they would soon prove to be, but horror as we know it exists because of Savini's terrific work, bringing to life the traumas he experienced firsthand as a war photographer in Vietnam.

Because of the experimentation with the genre before its ideas were set in stone, many of these films break from form, although obviously they weren't aware of it at the time. Often the merciless killers were played by actual actors instead of anonymous stuntmen, bringing a human face to what would soon become an immensely industrial genre. Not only did most killers not hide behind a mask, many of them were utterly human, reveling in their own ugliness and sin. This was in large part thanks to the last gasps of the dying grindhouse movement, but the face of 1980 slashers was a grunting, sweaty one that tends to stick in the mind just as fast as the masks of the later periods.

Another interesting break from formula is that many of the victims in these films were adults! The shift to teen victim pools would be swift and merciless, but for the time being, the stories being told were mature and at least attempting to rise above average horror fare. They were rarely entirely successful, but that's incidental. The slasher of 1980 was a strange beast, lurching toward an identity. But during this period of turmoil some very very interesting gems can be found. And a lot of crap. But let's start with the good, shall we?

The Five Best Slashers of 1980

#5 He Knows You're Alone

He Knows You're Alone is one of my favorite new discoveries of this project. It's got no gore to speak of, and it's a not-particularly-scary riff on Halloween, but the story is engaging, the gender politics are surprisingly generous, and the characters are more fleshed out than your typical slasher Meat. It's not quite one for the record books, but it is immensely charming. Also hey, Tom Hanks is in it!

Read my review here.

#4 Anthropophagus

Although the pacing is a bit clunky, Anthropophagus is the magnum opus of Italian exploitation director Joe D'Amato. It's one of the more brutally nasty Video Nasties and several of the kill scenes are so shocking and explicit, they stick in the memory far more than other slasher films. This one is harder to recommend because of some of its content, but it's a reliably atmospheric and affecting horror film.

Read my review here.

#3 Maniac

Combining traits from several genres into one ugly, appealing disarray, Maniac is blunt and forceful. Although the griminess of the film is a holdout from the grindhouse genre, which wouldn't survive beyond several months after this film, Maniac is a memorably twisted slasher with some great gore effects by our man Savini.

Read my review here.

#2 Terror Train

Terror Train is largely bloodless and the film doesn't really deliver on the campiness inherent in the title, preferring to play it straight, but throw in a blockbuster performance by scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis, a David Copperfield magic show, a killer that has more costume changes than a Lady Gaga concert, and a sly twist that hits you in the face like a wet fish and you have yourself one of the best slashers of the whole dang year.

Read my review here.

#1 Friday the 13th

As much love as I have for it, Friday the 13th absolutely isn't the best film in the world. It's shockingly terrible in terms of production values and acting, but it hit home with Savini's masterpiece gore in a way that no artistic slasher was able to do, igniting the powder keg that would be this genre. Considering I'm sufficiently devoted to these films that I'm attempting a project like this, it makes sense why Friday would be my number one.

Read my review here.

The Five Worst Slashers of 1980

#5 Funeral Home

One to miss. Although it gets a slight boost by dint of being a Canadian production (it is the general consensus that Canadian slasher films have got it going on), this dull slasher picks off its small cast in disinteresting ways and has such low stakes that the finale ends with a tea party.

Read my review here.

#4 Christmas Evil

It's dreadfully dull, but at least it's festive. One of my more regretful decisions in life was to show this film at a holiday party I was hosting. No wonder nobody ever came to the ones I held after that. Another film that squanders a camp premise (a killer Santa) by playing it straight. Playing it straight isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it takes a lot more talent to pull that kind of thing off, something which the filmmakers must have left at home on the kitchen counter.

Read my review here.

#3 Don't Answer the Phone

This is the first film I watched for this project and it's a testament to my perseverance that I didn't just stop there. Tawdry and nasty, this is a pristine example of mean-spirited exploitation, shifting bluntly between crude exploitation of female flesh and repetitive and cruel rape scenes. Anyone who considers this a "fun" movie should be put on a watch list.

Read my review here.

#2 Silent Scream

Sinfully boring and poorly lit, Silent Scream is a one two punch of not caring what happens onscreen and not actually being able to see it. Its most dreadful sin is dragging genre veteran Barbara Steele down into the muck with it. Rebecca Balding is a decent Final Girl, but the film is too parsimonious with its kills to make up for the plot, which is spread woefully thin.

Read my review here.

#1 To All a Goodnight

1980 was a mixed-bag year for holiday horror. It had the highest concentration of holiday-themed films of any year in this retrospective, but of the three Christmas films, two New Year's films and one Mother's Day film, only two (Maniac and Terror Train, both of which have less to do with the holiday than just being solid flicks) rise above the muck. And our absolute worst film of the year is this rancid Christmas goober, which despite a massive body count never once features a scene engaging on any level other than "I exist."

Read my review here.

1980 Body Count: 239 (9 slit throats, 8 decapitations) - an average of 7.03 bodies per film


Highest Body Count: 15 (tied between To All a Good Night and Night of the Demon)


Lowest Body Count: 2 (Moodu Pani)


Five Best Kills

#5 Auto-Cannibalism (Anthropophagus)

One of two scenes that earned Anthropophagus its "Video Nasty" status, the part where he begins to devour himself is at once bone-chilling and thematically relevant. I kind of adore this movie, it's just so bonkers.

#4 Scissors in the Throat (The Boogeyman)

This death was certainly one of the most creative in the more-or-less lackluster The Boogeyman. A woman is propelled by an unseen force to jam scissors into her neck in a scene way more satisfying and terrifying than The Happening ever managed to be.

Read my review here.

#3 The Exploding Van (Prom Night)

Prom Night was a supremely average slasher film, but this death just comes out of nowhere and is executed in such a hilariously over-the-top manner. I can't help but giggle every time this scene comes onscreen. It's like some bizarre action movie was spliced onto a typical stalk-and-kill routine.

Read my review here.

#2 Arrow Through the Neck (Friday the 13th)

One of the most well-choreographed sequences in the film, I'd suggest you skip ahead if you haven't seen it. Just let this one present itself to you with a minimum of foreknowledge. Let me just say that it is a prime example of misdirection and one of the best gore effects in a film chock full of them.

#1 Dick Torn Off (Night of the Demon)

Another film that earned its "Video Nasty" status if I've ever seen one. It's too explicit for me to show here, but let me just say Bigfoot ripping this biker's penis off does not disappoint.

Read my review here.


Best Decapitation: He Knows You're Alone

This year saw some great decapitations with the Machete Heard 'Round the World in Friday the 13th and Jamie Lee's friend's head rolling down the catwalk in Prom Night, but my personal favorite is He Knows You're Alone, in which the killer shows a little bit of flair.

Three Best Final Girls

#3 Alice Hardy (Friday the 13th)

She's not the most inspiring female heroine, especially considering some really terrible decision-making she performs in the third act, but Alice paved the way for so many more capable Final Girls that she is worth a mention here. Also Adrienne King is a sweetheart.

#2 Amy Jensen (He Knows You're Alone)

One of the most fully-developed female characters of the year, Amy has goals, dreams, and motivations that drive a full character arc, a rare feat for a subgenre typically filled with paper-thin stereotypes and screenwriters more focused on upping the gore ante than telling a terrific story.

#1 Alana Maxwell (Terror Train)

Jamie Lee Curtis will always be the reigning Scream Queen for bringing a gravity and Everyteen believability to a wide variety of roles in the horror genre. Her final sequence in Terror Train is one of the best such scenes committed to celluloid.

Three Worst Final Girls

#3 Dr. Lindsay Gale (Don't Answer the Phone)

All Dr. Gale does throughout the course of the movie is spout incorrect psychiatry (usually more damaging to the patient than helpful - at one point she expounds upon the virtues of drugs to an addict) and get captured. Her survival is only incidental, never at any point procured by herself. Useless.

#2 Terry (Motel Hell)

Terry is the type of girl to just stick around an old motel because her boyfriend died and she's suddenly without a rudder. It's a complete mystery what forces compel her to make decisions and she has no internal drive or motivation, except to bang whatever dude is in closest proximity, in this case the 70-year-old Farmer Vincent.

Read my review here.

#1 Marilyn O'Connor (Fade to Black)

She's beautiful and she does a grand Marilyn Monroe impression. But Marilyn O'Connor willingly shows up at a sketchy modeling job, asks a transparently creepy man to give her a ride, and happily takes a pill proffered to her by the aforementioned transparently creepy man. Girl, you've got to wise up if you want to keep living (and stay alive) in LA.

Read my review here.

Four Best Killers

#4 Bigfoot (Night of the Demon)

It's certainly not the best movie, but come on! What a creative killer! This isn't a genre known for its creative thrust so any murderous being outside of the norm is a plus in my book.

#3 Mrs. Voorhees (Friday the 13th)

Mrs. Voorhees is a delightfully unexpected presence at the end of a mystery that never quite succeeds in being a mystery. Her sudden appearance in the final reel is mystifying, but Betsy Palmer sells the role with hammy delight, chomping the scenery into dust with her dazzling pearly whites.

#2 Kenny Hampson (Terror Train)

At no point is the identity of Terror Train's murderer in question, but his tendency to switch costumes every scene keeps the audience on their toes and ramps up the tension about a thousand notches. And his final reveal is one for the ages.

#1 The Mirror (The Boogeyman)

Again I must give kudos to a deliciously creative premise in a lackluster film. In The Boogeyman, the murderer is a mirror possessed with the spirit of a man who died in its sight. The presence of the mirror later causes anyone around it to murder themselves or die under deliriously strange circumstances.

Four Worst Killers

#4 Richard Sullivan (New Year's Evil)

Richard Sullivan's motive (to kill one person every hour at midnight in different time zones) is unique and compelling, but his execution and performance are lacking. His final scene is interestingly banal, but he simply can't carry a movie on his own.

Read my review here.

#3 Ike & Addley (Mother's Day)

This Troma film was supposedly a comedy, but this backwoods duo put way too much emphasis on brutal rape to keep the tone light in any way. A total wash of a film that puts a bitter taste in one's mouth.

Read my review here.

#2 Kirk "The Strangler" Smith (Don't Answer the Phone)

An utterly disappointing killer to match with an utterly disappointing Final Girl. His MO is always exactly the same and always brutal in an infinitely disgusting way rather than any level capable of reaching an audience and provoking any reaction other than mild disgust.

#1 Victoria Engels (Silent Scream)

Of the five people that die in her film, the killer only manages to claim two of them. If you want to enter the big leagues, you've got to work for it, my darling.

Handsomest Lad: Richie (Fade to Black)

I'm probably only enthralled by Mickey Rourke in Fade to Black thanks to his startling resemblance to one Louis Tomlinson, but I likes what I likes and there is too much late 70's hair in these films to provide another standout.

Handsomest Lass: Jennifer Fast (The Unseen)

The only Final Girl to have also been a Bond girl, Barbara Bach is ethereally beautiful and a terrific choice.

Read my review here.

Best Location: The Greek Island (Anthropophagus)

Setting this moody slasher on an abandoned Greek island allows the film an extra edge of tension thanks to its claustrophobic whitewashed corridors.


Best Title: Terror Train

Come on, who wouldn't want to see a movie called Terror Train? Unfortunately, the answer seems to be "a lot of people." But I urge you to check it out.


Three Best Costumes

#3 Pig Head (Motel Hell)

It lands a lower spot thanks to its immense impracticality and the fact that it's only used in one scene of the film, but the image is still striking today as one of the more memorable slasher improvisations.

#2 Santa Claus (Christmas Evil)

Although Christmas Evil was a tedious slog, the idea of a killer Santa still stings, and the increasing disheveledness of his outfit as the night wears on is one of the more chilling elements the film has to offer.

#1 Murder Clown (Terror on Tour)

Simultaneously hilarious and a mean bit unsettling, the costumes are the only memorable part of the slack Terror on Tour.

Read my review here.

Best Poster: Maniac

There are a lot of terrific horror posters in the 80's (because of the glut of slasher films, promotional materials really had to bring their A-game), but this poster is a perfect depiction of the brutal nastiness of the film while at the same time being a striking and unforgettable image.

Best Song: "Prom Night (Everything Is Alrite)" (Prom Night)

I love myself some cheesy 80's synthpop and this original song by Paul Zaza is so shrilly, gratingly cheesy that it elevates the film above being a tepid genre piece to being a solid hunk of cheese.


Best Score: Friday the 13th

Although it's a well-worn riff on the horror score tropes invented by Bernard Hermann and John Williams in Psycho and Jaws, composer Harry Manfredini provided one of the single most stunning musical cues of all time - the dissonant CH-CH-CH HA-HA-HA sound that would come to represent our boy Jason for decades to come.

Elite Champion Dialogue: "You castrated me. And that is not nice." (New Year's Evil)
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