Census Bloodbath: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting (Capsule Review)

I've been doing the math on how many goddamn slasher movies I have left to cover and how much time I have in my life for writing things I'm not being paid for. Unfortunately, those numbers just aren't adding up, so for the time being Census Bloodbath is converting to this sleeker capsule review style (which will inevitably be almost as long as my regular reviews anyway). This will likely culminate in a bigger, more involved project down the road, but for now I hope you enjoy at least having something to read rather than the barren wasteland of nothing that my blog has been since I started writing for Screen Rant!

Year: 1981

Director: Stanley Sui-Fan Fung

Cast: Wei Pai, Nora Tsang Pui-Kei, Lee Yuen-Wa

Run Time: 1 hour 30 minutes

Plot: Siu Fong (Wei Pai) is the hero of a small village, having protected them some years ago from a wicked gangster. Every woman in town lusts after him, though he only has eyes for Sin Sin (Lee Yuen-Wa). In spite of this, every woman that throws herself at him ends up dead, killed by a mysterious prowler with a skull for a face. Once Sin Sin's sister Fei Fei (JoJo Chan Kei-Kei) goes missing, he must clear his own name and track down the killer, his investigation leading him into combat with the sinister potter Seen Kay (Chung Fat) and the vengeful gangster Kam (Lee Hoi-Sang).

Analysis: This Hong Kong film is a unique beast, grafting the nascent slasher formula onto a more tried-and-true kung fu movie plot involving gangsters and lots of acrobatic punch-kicking accompanied by the sound effect of some poor foley artist slamming two by fours into a sack of beans or whatever. Although the slasher elements are much less well-rendered (there is hardly a drop of blood, though the excavation of a corpse that has been coated in clay and turned into a statue is suitably gruesome), at least the killer is designed to the rafters. The killer's face is shrouded by a black straw hat, but when he tips it up, he reveals - instead of a face - a terra-cotta skull. It's an incredibly imposing bit of costume design that does a lot to add oodles of atmosphere to whatever scene he finds himself in.

The kung fu sequences also embrace the cheesiness of late-era martial arts flicks in a kinetic and exciting manner (especially the scene where the gangsters try to impale Siu Fong on a rolling cart with horizontal spikes), though nobody would go out of their way to call them particularly inspired. The plot itself is really the problem. Even though there are some zany twists and turns, including an underground cavern with a hidden entrance in a coffin, a little person kung fu/pottery master, and a telenovela-esque series of third act reveals, the killer reveal is too obvious and the first two acts spin their wheels maddeningly between too few kills. All in all, this was a fun diversion from the world of American slashing in the early 80's, but this is a "fast forward to the best moments" kind of deal rather than "let's make a bowl of popcorn and sit down with The Phantom Killer."

Killer: Ah Kwai (Cheung Sin-Ming)

Final Girl: Siu Fong (Wei Pai)

Best Kill: It's more of a post-kill extravagance, but one of the victims gets turned into a statue, which is radical as fuck.

Sign of the Times: The fact that a kung fu film decided to spruce up its plot with the slasher formula in the first place.

Scariest Moment: The first time the killer lifts up his head and you see the skull underneath.

Weirdest Moment: The potter beats the shit out of Siu Fong the first time they meet, and then proceeds to be extremely helpful for the rest of the movie.

Champion Dialogue: "Even though my son is ugly, he's still got a girlfriend."

Body Count: 6; not including at least 3 thugs and 2 security guards who are attacked but whose fates are unclear.

1. Yan-mei is punch-stabbed in the neck.
2. Madam Suet is punch-stabbed in the gut.
3. Amah drinks poisoned tea.
4. Guard is hanged.
5. Sin Sin is killed offscreen.
6. Fei Fei is stabbed in the gut.

TL;DR: Phantom Killer isn't a particularly interesting movie as far as its plot goes, but when it comes to the film's signature blend of slasher and kung fu, it's a riot.

Rating: 7/10

Word Count: 745